Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Star Trek Credit Crunch

Image source wikipedia

Deanna Troi

We have decided that counsellors are no longer needed on star ships full of perfect people. Your talent for stating the obvious is no longer enough to justify your position on the Federation Flagship. It has also been discovered that a simple bartender has been doing a better job than you.The crew actually listenin to her good advice.
You must also pay back all your credit cards which you maxed out on outfts inappropriate to your role.

Wesley Crusher

Despite your frequent arrogant displays, there are far better and more experienced officers for the job. We also believe you are having a detrimental effect on crew morale.


Harry Kim


We do not understand why you are still here. Seven of nine clearly took over your position soon after she came aboard. She simply does it in a cooler part of the ship.

B’elanna Torres


Your position is reduced to that of part time due to Seven of Nine taking on more than half your duties. We still want to keep you, to maintain our drive towards a better gender balance on our star ships.

Jake Sisko


You have clearly been slacking; no one has ever seen you do any work.

Red Shirts


As useful as you have proven to be, we can no longer afford your Life Assurance policies.

Energy Saving

  • Starship crew must turn off lights after leaving the room
  • It is a waste of energy it's not like they help you see in space. It may make the ship look pretty, but whose likely to see it in the vastness of space.
  • All headlights are also to be turned off we have discovered after extensive research  they don't help you see in space.
  • Turbolifts will proceed directly to destination, instead of  the current policy of meandering around until its occupants have  reached a dramatic end to their conversation.
  • Captains who only return fire after their shields will face immediate disciplinary action. You could just start your shields at 40% and started fighting instead of wasting 60% of shield energy.
  • It has come to our attention that a shockingly high number of man hours are being spent solving crisis in the holodeck. These contraptions have also led to several deaths. There are far more time and energy efficient ways for crews to amuse themselves.

Copyright © Nathan Groves
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

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