Tuesday, 17 April 2012

A Surprise Powder Day In Val d'Isere




video


After a dire season for snowfall last year no one expected this to happen this April. This is one of my first times out with my Drift Head Camera and it was great to get footage of an epic day.

Sunday, 15 April 2012

The wrong place to Ski

video

I found this amusing watching it out of my apartment video. However people ski on the pavement or road far too often causing major damage to the skis. Not only will ski shops will charge for such damage, it is also anillegal and dangerous thing to do.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

James Bond Dr No: First Draft Parody Script



Opens up with the startling scene of the viewer being shot. Talk about opening with a bang.

We then see 3 blind men walking through the city.

Director Terence Young
This is a far cry from the parody movie of Casino Royale… really!

Audience
Errr?

The 3 blind men turn out to be assassins.

Audience
Phew.

We then meet Bond, James Bond at the Poker table.

Audience
Errr?

James Bond
This isn’t like the last movie. Honest! Just look how suave I am.

Money Penny
Fancy starting off the next 50 years of sexual tension.

James Bond
Haven’t you noticed how direct I when it comes to getting the women I want? You should really take the hint.

M
I am the most important man in british intelligence. IAM NOT JUST HERE FOR EXPOSITION!

James Bond
What is my mission then!

M
Sigh…You get to go to Jamaica. Lucky you. But whilst sunbathing try to find a man called Strangways. Oh and take a new gun, a PPK. It will help you with your invincibility.

Bond arrives in Jamica where we get the first thrilling car chase of the franchise… where Bond is being chauffer driven…

James Bond
Talk!

Chauffer
Ok, but first let me have a cigarette.

James Bond
Ok but you know smoking will kill you.

Chauffer
You’re right. Gak!

James Bond
I really should have seen that coming.

*****

James Bond
That wasn’t very subtle. Taking a photo of me like that.

Photographer
I hope that one day cameras will be smaller. Much smaller!

James Bond
Tell us who you work for or we’ll hurt you.

Felix Lighter
Bond you’ll casually kill hundreds of men. You’ll even casually endanger women and children for a cool stunt. But you always have a soft spot when confronted with a single beautiful woman. Now enough time wasting, we need to talk to Dr No.

James Bond
Oh that is just wonderful he really does sounds like an agreeable character.

The fantastic and thrilling Bond theme continues to get played as we watch James Bond… sending a cable and collecting his car keys?

James Bond
These rock samples are radioactive? I will not show any concern though. I will just proceed straight to Dr No’s secret lair.

We get a classic Bond car chase with the use of rear projection. They sure used to struggle with getting the perspective right on these old special effects. Fortunately for Bond the enemy car doesn’t appear to have any brakes.

Quarrel
I’m not sure about taking you to the island Mr Bond. I’m a black man in a 60s action movie, I’m bound to have a horrible death.

James Bond
Maybe, but this is going to be a long franchise, you should try and have a memorable place in it.

Honey Ryder
That’s certainly my intention.

James Bond
Wow that entrance will definitely leave an impression. The white bikini is enough to forget even the bad song dubbing and hopefully this weird idea that you would come to a dangerous island just to collect shells.

Honey Ryder
My motivations maybe dubious, but I am a critical part of this story… Really!

James Bond
Really.

Honey Ryder
I can help you, I know the island well.

James Bond
Ok show us. Just leave behind anything you don’t really need… like proper clothing…

*****

Quarel
Look Mr Bond a dragon! Wait I’m not that stupid… let’s needlessly shoot it.

Quarrel shoots away and gets his death scene. They then go to the hidden lair of Dr No.

James Bond
Hello Dr No you’ve been introduced into this movie really late haven’t you?

Dr No
Well I hope to live on in a variety pf parodies.

James Bond
Interesting. So what brings you here?

Dr No
I was once a treasurer for a large criminal organisation called  S.P.E.C.T.R.E. But I left them after stealing 100 BILLION DOLLARS!

James Bond
HAHAHAHA! Dr No this is 1962 that amount of money doesn’t even exist.

Dr No
Ok, ok it was just 10 million.

James Bond
And you spent a million dollars on the fish tank? You must really love fish…and lasers?

Dr No
No.

James Bond (Looking crestfallen)
What a shame.

Bond gets thrown into an inescapable cell.

James Bond
Inescapable? No its not it’s easy I just need to use my show to get into this oversized air/water vent.

Q
You escaped uing just your shoe? We can’t have that. I’d better make myself busy. How are you going to stop Dr No? By throwing some switches?

James Bond
Just one actually.  Now come here for a climatic fight Dr I Barely Know.

Dr No
No, no I’m beaten. Why are all of my minions running away like cowards.
Where is my number 2 guy to help?

Bond rescues Honey Ryder and escapes just in time.

James Bond
The boats out of fuel but that’s no reason to delay our loving.

Honey Ryder
But we could die out here.

James Bond
Don’t be silly, my name is Bond, James Bond.

Funny Insults Which Should Make Them Laugh #4

This is an example of a joke insult which I've said to a friend. If you use this be careful that you choose the right moment so that they are not offended. They have to know you well. Make sure they know at the end that you're joking, but if you can say it with a straight face it will make it funnier.


You
"If I rated my best looking friends you would be in the top 54... well 55."