Opens with a research lab where amonkey is tied to a table and forced to watch 5 different series of Big Brother simultaneously.
This is so dehumanising.
Protester's come to free these clearly dangerous animals. Having bypassed the non existent security of this highly dangerous installation.
What are you doing? Would you break into kennels to release dangerous dogs?
Umm what possible scientific reason could you have for this?
We are studying the damage that can be done by an overused horror cliché, in a supposedly fresh approach to the genre.
Horror cliché escapes and the audience prays this movie isn’t as boring as 12 monkeys.
Cut to 28 days later.
In a hospital we see a naked Jim. This is the most horrifying moment in the movie.Hewanders around a deserted London looking stoned. This seems like some good acting as he has just woken from a coma, but it is soon apparent he’ll be like this for the whole of the movie.
Director Danny Boyle
We really should have auditioned people past the first two pages of script.
Jim is rescued from zombies by Selena and Mark who take him to a hideout in the London underground. They explain whats happened.
We’ll be safe here until daylight.
But there’s no daylight in the underground. Doesn’t that make this one of the most dangerous spots in London?
Mark and Selena look at each other smacking their heads.
Well what do you suggest?
I want my mommy.
They go to find Jims dead parents then Jim stupidly risks all their lives
Director Danny Boyle
I bet that shocked you.
If someone’s infected you have at most 20 seconds before they change?
But how did a virus with an incubation period of 20 seconds spread across the entire country? Didn’t anyone notice hoards of zombies marching down the motorways?. Thanks Danny Boyle for being less plausible than I Am Legend.
They walk around the dark streets aimlessly rather than attempting to find cover.
Look up there fairy lights.
That’s bad luck it’s not Christmas anymore.
You’re so miserable and hardened.
What do you expect everyone I’ve ever known is dead, the only good thing is that I got to kill some of them myself.
I bet I can get you all lovey dovey by the end of the movie.
They meet up with Frank and his daughter Hannah. The only characters in the film which the audience cares about. They decide to go to a military blockade near Manchester in a ……London taxi cab?
Thanks this make I am legend appear clever and well thought out.
What can I do we’re on a low budget.
We could at least have taken 2 vehicles what do we do if this breaks down?
Errrr, ooooh look a supermarket.
They find a supermarket which somehow avoided a ransacking by desperate people.
This is the cleanest supermarket I’ve ever been in.
I’m just glad we have something else to drink beside fizzy drinks.
What, none of London’s vending machines have bottled water?
Dad how are we going to get all this food in the cab.
They park over night in an open field. Instead of sleeping in a vehicle which they could use to outrun the zombies in seconds, they decide to sleep in the open.
How have we managed to survive this long?
They reach the signal, Frank turns into a zombie. Soldiers turn up and kill him.
Welcome we’ve found the answer to infection.
How, are you a doctor?
Doctor Who, me? No. We just kill the infected or starve them.
The soldiers hold the women prisoner and attempt to kill Jim. He escapes and has the master plan of rescuing the women with the help of all the local zombies.
What could possibly go wrong?
An erratic zombie rampages through the mansion killing the highly trained soldiers.
How did you possibly survive this long?
Because we were clever and kept our cool in dangerous situations.
What about now then?
Sob, Plot convenience, sob.
Where’s Will Smith when you need him?
Right now I’d be happy with Simon Pegg.
Jim turns up instead.
Sigh, fine lets get out of here!
They escape again in the TAXI CAB!
Aren’t there any armoured vehicles round here.
Cut to idyllic country setting.
Get the giant banner ready, there’s bound to be rescue planes searching the desolate countryside.
Surprisingly a search plane sees them.
Well this is a cheerful ending. I thought this wasn’t meant to be like a Hollywood film.
Director Danny Boyle
It’s a short lived happiness. No longer than 28 weeks.
Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
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