Why Back To The Future Is A Timeless Classic

One of my favourite movies ever. It deserves to be considered a classic.

It would be a surprise to speak to meet someone who has never seen Back to the Future. It is a movie that has so many memorable moments even for those who haven’t watched it for years and has cemented itself in popular culture. It even transcends the usual criticism and stigma attached to science fiction and isn't seen as a movie that is just for geeks. Some of the many reasons the movie can stand as a classic include:

Memorable action

The action isn’t glitzy or in your face screaming "here’s an effect shot." The action serves the story and most importantly is true to the characters. However you feel about violence you can’t help but smile when George Mcfly stands up to the Bully Biff.

Capturing the feelings of growing up

I'm not American but the movie still brings up a nostalgic feeling. Ideas such as changing your life for the better and rediscovering the optimism of youth will never go away.

Memorable quotes "Great Scott!"

Every movie classic is filled with memorable quotes. You can go years without watching Back to the Future and still remember some of its great lines.
''88 miles per hour!'' How many people shouted this line out when they get their first car?
''1.21 gigawatts'' one of movie histories most memorable measurements. '' If you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything'' A very uplifting quote. Every line has a purpose and meaning to the story.



Memorable characters and acting

Great performances from the entire cast elevate the movie from being just another Sci-Fi comedy. The actors are so good you can often forget you're watching scifi all together and don’t spend the movie puzzling over how time travel works.
Lea Thompson manages to come across as sweet and innocent despite unknowingly having a crush on her son. She’s believable playing the young hopeful teenager and as the disappointed old mother.
Christopher Lyod is the very definition of the eccentric scientist yet his performance is also enfused with ,a lot of heart.
Michael J Fox despite his actual age at the time does a brilliant job playing the cool teenager we all wanted to be. Playing electric guitar, driving cool cars and skate boarding through school halls. He’s a timeless image of the young adventurer. Getting the chance to see his parents when they were the same age was a very clever idea and reminds us how everyone was young once.
Crispin Glover gives George Mcfly a vulnerability and goofiness that is fun to watch and makes us root for his character. It’s an interesting and unique dynamic seeing Marty giving advice to his young father. Most likely the same advice he would have liked from his father when he was growing up.    
                         
Well written script

The movie was delayed in its production and the writers used the time to hone their script. This paid off with a tight story. Funny, well paced and intelligent it mixes entertainment with many layers of meaning. It references and internal story threads along with its many subtle visual clues makes it a movie that can be enjoyed with multiple viewings.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Reasons To Love Rather Than Hate The X Men Movies

Effort made to make the universe believable

Bryan Singer went to great efforts to bring a sense of realism to a fantastical universe that has been well translated from the comic books.. If strange sci fi concepts put you off they are always well explained and are used to tell a story rather than dominate it.  This was lost slightly with X Men 3 and Wolverine but they still managed to keep the settings mostly recognizable and everyday.

Working as a team

Unlike most super hero movies X Men doesn’t follow one lone character but many varied characters. Team work allows us to see the different personalities, their strengths and their weaknesses. Their interaction also gives us greater insight into who they are and why they fight. Having to depend on others makes the characters more engaging and relatable as humans rather than just super beings.

Unique action

The combination of a team and a large variety of powers makes for some spectacular action. This brings us many unique scenes and situations which can have an unpredictable out come.

Strong female characters

Unlike the classic Lois Lane’s and Mary Jane’s the women in X Men are also strong characters and play key roles in a story rather than just reacting to it. There are few women super heroes but in the X Men series they play an equal part to the men and have some of the best story lines and powers.

Complex heroes and villains

One of X Mens greatest strength is the depth and complexity of its characters. Few of the mutants are black or white but come out as a shade of grey. Being neither purely good nor purely evil. They are given reasons for their action and we can understand what motivates them even if we disagree with them. The friendship/foe dynamic between Professor Xavier and Magneto is fascinating to watch and believable as their opposing views clash.

Other characters like Beast, Rogue, Cyclops, Night Crawler, Mystique give us a sense of the alienation they feel which a lot of the audience can relate to. Everyone can feel different and out of place at some point in their life.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Reasons to Love Rather Than Hate Doctor Who

Dr Who is  causing  great excitement on television.  Whether you’re a regular sci fi fan or not Dr Who can entertain and thrill you. These are some of the reasons the show is so well loved.

A long history of quality episodes

Debuting onold black and white televisions across the UK Dr Who holds the record for the longest running science fiction series. 23rd of November 1963 is the date it started making television history an it had been enjoyed by a wide audience ever since. Its being enjoyed across the world and and growing more and more popular in America.
The shows staying power can be attributed to the  dedication and love of all those involved in the show. From actors to directors. Writers to designers. You can tell that those  who have created fantastic episodes over the years have really cared about the show.

Fantastic stories

The premise of show allows the writers to do a rich array of stories.The Tardis can go anywhere, anytime and this has certainly been put to great use over the years. The Dr can interact with manyfamous people across historyand it is always fun to see how they interact with him.
Steven Moffat has done a brilliant job since taking over as show runner. Taking Dr Who seriously whilst still making the show fun. He has wonderfully simple ideas made scary in the shows and mixes in with this complex and engaging storylines which run throughout the series. This balance has made this show continue its tradition of entertaining adults and children alike.



Great characters

Whether a character is in Dr Who for one episode or is in multiple series a lot of effort is put into making them fascinating to watch. The stream of companions over the years have been perfect for the Dr and  audience. The Dr has had company to share experiences with and to help him in histravels. Whilst the audience has characters they can relate to easier than the mysterious Dr. Rory and Amy are wonderful as the first married couple to travel in the Tardis creating a refreshingly new dynamic for the series,
The Dr, whose true name we still don’t know, is thrilling to watch in all 11 incarnations. His regenerationshave affected his personaility as well as his appearence but deep down he is still the same oldloveable rogue timelord. There are many layers to his character and the continued mystery makes him all the more facinating. Matt Smith is perfecly cast as the 11th Dr mixing fantastic comic timing, with charm, intelligence and emotion.

Memorable villains

One of the most famous villains of all time has come from Dr Who. The Daleks. Quintesentionally British and afantastic design they have become an icon. The Cybermen, Sontarans, time lords, the master, and many more have kept us enthralled as they foolishy went up against the Dr.
Even villains who are seen in one show get a lot of effort put into them and become memorable. The villains keep the show scary in delightfully imaginative with their use of many clever and evil methods.

“Special” effects

The show started with a tiny budget and money has continued to stay tight ever since. But this has never dettered Dr Who which has always come out with ambitious storylines. Yes the city in The Daleks is clearly a model. And yes they expanded the corridors with painted sheets but they created an engrossing story. Special effects may impove over the years but the past effects are still good to watch and serve their purpose. It is good to see the new series has kept a slightly cheesy feel to some effects and make up as it adds to the charm and makes the show feel truly Dr Who.

In the future it will not be the special effects that are remembered but the fantastic stories.

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Iron Man 2: First Draft Parody Script

Opens with a father and son scene. Seeing as it takes place in Russia the film makers felt they had to include alcohol as well.

Vanko’s Dad

Now that I’m dying, you must continue my work.

Ivan Vanko

I could have done with your help when you were still healthy, it would have made my life a lot easier.

There are a series of scenes of Vanko constructing his own arc reactor. It then cuts to 6 months later, which considering we don’t know how long this took Vanko to complete, is a useless time reference.

Iron Man

So I’ll drop out of this plane so that I can fly to this party where no one will see me until I land?

Pepper Potts

Don’t blame me Super Heroes are meant to work out their own grand entrances. Hmmm I sure hope there’s no one in this huge crowd who’d want to assassinate you.

Iron man

Don’t worry I’m sure my lone bodyguard can protect us.

Happy Hogan

I work alone?

*****

Stan Lee

Hi.

Tony Stark

Do you have to be in every Marvel moivie? Do you? Do you?

Stan Lee

I…err well you see I’m the creator…

Tony Stark

It’s no longer quaint and it’s not funny. Just play a major character in the next film and get it out of your system already.

Cut to a senate hearing where a surprisingly patient Senator puts up with an incredibly annoying Tony Stark.

Senator Stern

I don’t think you’re taking this committee seriously.

Tony Stark

Come on lighten up Stern... Look I’ve given us peace, worked as a nuclear deterrent…

Senator Stern

How can you possibly be an effective deterrent? Everyone knows there’s only one suit and they know exactly where it launches from.

Justin Hammer

The suit would be best handled by the government. What if you decide to go drink flying in it or something?

Tony Stark

You make a really good point but seeing as the audience is meant to hate you, shut it.

*****

Tony Stark

Time for a race, in my intoxicated state.

Pepper Potts

I have a bad feeling about this.

Vanko crashes the race, discovering that the security is non existent.

Ivan Vanko

I’m here to make you bleed.

Tony Stark

I’m bleeding plenty already; just give me a chance to put on my Ironman suit. I can compact it down into a suitcase isn’t that cute… I mean cool?

*****

Tony Stark

So we had this guy’s father deported for being an ambitious entrepreneur? IN AMERICA!

Pepper Potts

Dumb isn’t it? But we can’t dwell on it as this movie can’t afford to have a villain we sympathise with.

*****

Ivan Vanko

I’m in jail but I’ve played mind games with Tony Stark so I’m clearly a clever villain.

Justin Hammer

Actually if I hadn’t of rescued you, you would have been forgotten for the rest of the movie? Now will you work for me? I can trust you right?

Ivan Vanko

If you had checked my back story you’d realise that you’re the embodiment of everything I despise… of course you can trust me.

*****

Tony Stark

Celebrate good times.

Party guests

Hooray Tony. We love the way you’re stumbling around drunk in your dangerous suit. We’re not at all afraid.

Nick Fury

This party’s over.

Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes

Get out of here this is my job. Go to bed Tony I have your less advanced suit to stop you with.

Tony Stark

But you’ve never used that suit before? Can you see or are you blind? Can you move at all?

Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes

I can control it easily; I even have no fear of flying it to an airbase hundreds of miles away.

*****

Nick Fury

Hello Tony I’m here to re-establish myself.

Tony Stark

We’ve met?

Nick Fury

Yeah I made a pointless post credit cameo in the first film.

Tony Stark

And what’s the point of you being in this film?

Nick Fury

Just further establishment of S.H.I.E.L.D, and my colleagues do most of that. I do have a temporary treatment for your illness though.

Tony Stark

Look I don’t have time for any AA meetings.

Nick Fury

I don’t mean the alcohol, we’ve found a way to combat the palladium poisoning, which is no where near as interesting character wise.

Tony Stark

I’m just glad that drinking isn’t my biggest problem, fancy going to a bar?

Justin Hammer

Those look worryingly like the drones from the star wars prequels. Make sure they know how to fight.

Ivan Vanko

Roger Roger.

*****

Tony Stark

Oh woe is me.

Pepper Potts

Oh just go and tinker in your garage it helps most men. Especially when they get to cause some damage.

Black Widow

Also whilst you’re at it, try to figure out your father’s last secret. He left it hidden somewhere.

Tony Stark

Why can’t fathers ever give us things simply?

Cut Stark Expo where Justin Hammer attempts to act as cool as Tony Stark by dancing lamely. This is funny.

Justin Hammer

Check out my drones, cool aren’t they?

Iron man

They’re nice enough, but you haven’t discovered a new element in the last 24 hours have you?

Justin Hammer

I hate you.

Ivan Vanko

So do I. Drones attack! Oh and you too War Machine, shame you didn’t check for an override when you got into the suit.

*****

Hammer’s guard

They’re breaking in. I thought the battle was going to take place far from here?

Black Widow

We’ll have to fight all of Hammer’s guards so that we can reboot War Machine.

Happy Hogan

Why? Even Justin Hammer wants to stop the drones; he could just call security and tell them to do it themselves.

Scarlett Johansson

That would be easier, but I want to establish myself so that I’m hired for the Avenger movie.

*****

Police

Justin Hammer you’re under arrest. What you’re surprised?

Justin Hammer

I shouldn’t be. I’ll get you next time gadget man... I mean Iron Man.

*****

Iron Man

I’m glad to see you’re back on my side. Let’s go home.

War Machine

What about the other drones?

Iron Man

Black Widow will shut them down as well of course.

Director John Favreau

Actually it would be cooler if the two of you fought them together.

Iron Man

I guess you’re right. Hey check out my light sabre like weapons.

War Machine

Sweet.

Iron Man

I can only use them once though. I can’t have an easy solution for everything, I’m not Superman.

Ivan Vanko

Hey look at me I’ve made a better suit than you and in less time.

Iron Man

I’ve never had a better excuse to destroy something.

Ivanko decides he is far too manly to use a helmet so he removes his. He is eventually defeated though as he is also far too manly to have guns on his suit.

Ivan Ivanko

Well you have defeated me but at least I damaged you, You will never be the same.

Iron Man

Actually you really helped me to work through my issues. Thanks a lot.

Ivan Ivanko

Life is cruel.

*****

Iron Man

So Pepper Potts I’ve saved you, I’ve saved the city, I’ve saved the world… kind of.

War Machine

Don’t forget you had help.

Iron Man

Yes thank you. I assume you’ll handle the military? I’m sure they’ll want to steal my suit after seeing that others can replicate it.

War Machine

I’ll deal with it off screen, that’s always the easiest way.

Meanwhile in the middle of no where Thor’s hammer is discovered.

S.H.I.E.L.D Agent

Well so much for this series trying to keep any sense of realism.

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

The Dark Knight: First Draft Parody Script

A parody review of The Dark Knight. This one highlights more of the positive aspects as it's one of my favourite movies.

Opens with aerial shots of Gotham city. Which for once looks like a real place rather than a city designed by a manic depressive.

Foolish Goon

Wow robbing banks sure is easy. Large bank, one guard, perfect.

Heavily armed bank manager

Ha-ha you forgot me.

Foolish Goon

Whoa you’re really heavily armed.

Heavily armed bank manager

I heard there was a recession coming so I thought I’d better be prepared.

Joker

Well no one could be prepared for me,8 even after months and months of viral marketing.

Bus driver

Where are the other guys?

Joker

I gave them all the “you are my number one” speech, it blinded them to the fact they were killing each other.

Bus driver

Wait you can’t kill me I drove a bus through a bank wall with out putting a scratch on it. That must make me special?

Joker

Sorry but you’ve already had too many lines to be one of my goons in this movie.

*****

Ramirez

Waiting for Batman again? Aren’t you worried this will damage your credibility as a police officer?

Lieutenant Gordon

I’m hoping he won’t turn up.

Ramirez

Be careful he  might start seeing you as the boy who cried wolf.

****

Scarecrow

I’m back.

Audience

Wow scarecrow, hopefully it’s not a pointless cameo.

Scare crow

Nothing pointless about it. I help by delivering one of the funniest lines of 2008.

Batman

I don’t need help with funny lines.

Scare crow

Not in my diagnosis.

Batman Fakes

We think you need help as well. You let half of the criminals get away. This car park can’t have more than 2 or 3 exits. Couldn’t you have spiked them, or called the police?

Batman

I like being a lone threatening figure. I’ll call the police on you though, even if it is really hypocritical.

Cut to Batman’s new hideout which is actually a lot more spacious and practical than the bat cave. But no doubt this is only temporary.

Alfred Pennyworth

Stalking Rachel again sir?

Bruce Wayne

Nothing wrong with the hero wanting to steal another mans girlfriend… I think?

*****

Bruce Wayne

Look at his face. The face of Gotham. Harvey’s face.

Harvey Dent

I take it you’re trying to give us some subtle foreshadowing Bruce?

Bruce Wayne

Trying to.

Cut to R & D where the CEO of Wayne Enterprise still has time to tinker around with inventions.

Bruce Wayne

I need to get Lau back and I think an aerial kidnapping would be the best way.

Lucius Fox

Well there is an old technique called the Sky Hook. But it takes a great deal of skill and precision.

Bruce Wayne

I’m sure some inexperienced Korean smugglers could do it.

Lucius Fox

I really doubt…

Bruce Wayne

Excellent I’ll see you when I get back.

Bruce Wayne goes and captures Lau coming up with a ridiculous alibi which is worse than just disapearing quietly for a few days. He then comes back and throws a fundraiser party for Harvey Dent.

Rachel Dawes

So you think you’ve solved Gotham’s problems after just a few months?

Bruce Wayne

Kind of makes my 8 years of travelling a waste doesn’t it? But I think my job is…

Joker

Good evening ladies and gentleman I am the joker. Gotham’s undisputed Prince of Chaos.

Rachel Dawes

A Prince hey? Have you ever considered using one of his sound tracks?

Joker

Don’t you dare go there!

Batman

You want nuts? Let’s go nuts.

Joker

Ha ha ha. Time to show that me and my bunch of crazy goons can pose a challenging fight. Even with your years of intensive martial arts training.

Batman

Well at least the audience can see what’s going on in these fights. Hey let Rachel go.

Joker

Oh you walked right into that one.

The Joker drops Rachel out the window and she slides down the roof reaching for Batman rather than trying to slow her decent. Luckily Batman catches her.

Batman

Hopefully people saw my cape deploy briefly and slow our fall. Other wise the audience might feel that we cheated death.

Director Christopher Nolan

Don’t worry I doubt there’s many who will try to find fault with this movie.

We see Bruce Wayne using face recognition software to try and identify the Joker. Luckily for him no one has ever tried to use this on Batman. He then goes to get more evidence.which leads to Commissioner Loeb’s funeral.

Joker

Haha I take off the make up and no one notices me despite the scars.

Batman

We think alike, I came as Bruce Wayne to avoid attention.

Joker

You’re just worried the bat suit will look silly in daylight.

Batman

True.

Harvey Dent tells everyone he’s Batman to draw the Joker out into the open. It appears the Joker has super powers after all as he predicts every police movement.

Cliché cop

Holy pot holes driver.

Lieutenant Gordon

Huh?

Cliché cop

The road, it’s full of pot holes, look out!

Lieutenant Gordon

*Sigh* where’s Heath Ledger this guy’s almost ruining this chase with his “acting”.

Joker

Ha-ha you fools in your squad cars and vans. They’re no where near as fast or manoeuvrable as my big heavy lorries.

Batman

Ha-ha I’ve got a tank.

Joker

Ha-ha I’ve blown it up.

Batman

Oh no how am I supposed to catch them now?

Tumbler computer

I come with a detachable batpod.

Batman

But you were designed as a bridging vehicle why would you have that?

Tumbler computer

Err logic error 404 must self destruct.

Joker

Batpod? Better give up now before the audience starts to put thought into this chase.

*****

Commissioner Gordon

I had to do it to protect you and the kids.

Barbara Gordon

For 24 hours. What about the other 364 days of the year?

Commissioner Gordon

Look now we’ve locked up one clown Gotham is safe.

Thev phone rings.

Commissioner Gordon

Got to go.

Batman

Where is he?

Joker

You mean where are they? I’ll tell you, I just have to time it perfectly so that you have only seconds to spare.

Batman

I’m getting Rachel… don’t read too much into my motivation.

Commissioner Gordon

We’ll get Dent.

Detective Stephens

But sir we have police across the city, there’s probably someone closer if we send a call….

Commissioner Gordon

Not exciting enough. Go, go, go!

*****

Harvey Dent

Don’t worry Rachel you’re the one that will be rescued.

Rachel Dawes

But you’re a main character from the comics.

Batman

She’s right, I should have realised the Joker tricked me.

This moment of shock means they don’t escape the flames in time and half of Dent’s face burns. That must have hurt.

*****

Chechen

So what will you do with your half of the money?

Joker

Burn it, none of the bills have my face on them.

Chechen

You think you can control all of Gotham’s criminals and not offer them money as a reward?

Joker

Yeah… well no… But the sight of me standing in front of a pile of burning money will make for a great visual.

*****

Coleman Reese

I’m exposing Batman’s true identity because he should bow to this threat to save others.

TV interviewer

I’ve got to hold you for a moment we have an extraordinarily well timed phone call from the Joker.

Joker

I will blow up a hospital if someone doesn’t kill Reese. Let’s see the true colours of Gotham citizens.

Coleman Reese

Got to run.

*****

Joker

Whoa Harvey your face! I need to find a Doctor to see if that’s remotely possible… Actually I’ll first tempt you over to the dark side.

Harvey Dent

I want to kill you.

Joker

That’s a good start. The hero role clearly isn’t working for you. Villainy can make you a far more memorable character. Look at me. Look at me!

Two Face

No need to repeat yourself. You’ve convinced me.

Joker

Don’t forget a memorable villainous trait.

Two Face

The coin?

Joker

Perfect.

*****

Two Face

Hello Sal.

Sal Maroni

How did you get into my car without any of my bodyguards seeing you? Including the driver!?

Two Face

Too many questions, too many questions. Die!

*****

Commissioner Gordon

How did you find the Joker? Was it with some implausible technical wizardry?

Batman

Err no it was through clever detective work. Honest!

Commissioner Gordon

I’m sending the squat team in.

Batman

There must be more to this. Just look at them, gawping at the windows. Besides I think it’s time for my standard fist fight with the Joker.

*****

Joker

NaNaNaNa NaNaNaNa

NaNaNaNa NaNaNaNa

Have you ever done the bat dance to have some fun in the night?

Batman

I’ve had enough of your mind games this ends now. The boats won’t blow each other up.

Joker

In a country that favours the death penalty people wont blow up criminals? That is optimistic of you… Well what do you know you were right? But I’m not leaving all my plans and ambitions down to a fist fight with you.

Audience

That is a refreshing change.

Cut to the site of Rachel’s death. 

Two Face

I lost my family, you’ll lose yours.

Commissioner Gordon

We were wrong. Faith in the justice system should never be put down to one man.

Batman

This movie no longer has time for reason and motive. You realise that fighting next to a drop is a really bad idea right?

Two Face

Uh oh.

Commissioner Gordon

Two Face is dead already? That was short.

Batman

Well we’ve got to leave room for new villains. I’ll take the blame for Dent's murders. Even if it will also do damage Gotham’s morale. Better run.

Gordon’s son

Why is he running?

Commissioner Gordon

To give us a closing scene that will beg for a sequel.

Fin

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Batman Begins: First Draft Parody Script

A review and parody of Batman Begins. A movie which showed everyone how reboots should be done.

Opens with a young Bruce Wayne running aroun d with his only friend in the world.

Rachel Dawes

I’m surprised you don’t have more friends seeing that your the son of a billionaire.

Bruce Wayne

It’s always bothered me; I thought they’d want to visit me in my exciting mansion. With suits of armour, ancient spear heads, bats… Uh oh.

Cut to the present where Bruce Wayne is in a jail.

Ra’s al Ghul

If you want purpose or at the very least some decent combat skills, come to the top of the mountain tomorrow. Bring flowers. Our leader likes flowers.

Bruce Wayne

Can you tell me which road to take up the mountain?

Ra’s al Ghul

You must discover the path yourself Mr Wayne.

Bruce Wayne

Nothing’s easy.

*****

Fake Ra’s al Ghul

Welcome Mr Wayne it is time to begin your training along with a series of flash backs.

Bruce Wayne

But I’m tired, why do you live all the way up here anyway?

Fake Ra’s al Ghul

Ninjas enjoy snow boarding too and soon so will you.

Flashback to a young Bruce Wayne, we get to see how close he was to his parents and how they were murdered. We get only 5 minutes of this so it can’t be that important to his origin story.

Thomas Wayne

This opera’s exciting isn’t it Bruce?

Bruce Wayne

Why am I the only kid in the audience then? Can we go now?

Thomas Wayne

Sure we’ll take the back entrance; there can’t possibly any danger for a rich family walking down these alleys in the middle of the night.

*****

James Gordon

Wow I’m in this movie already? And I’m ageless, fantastic… I mean sorry about your parents Bruce.

Young Bruce Wayne

Don’t worry it’s a good set up for why I like and trust you.

Commissioner Loebe

Good news son we caught him already. I was worried it would take longer than a few hours and cause a lot of unwanted media pressure.

Young Bruce Wayne

I don’t think I like you though.

*****

Ra's al Ghul

So you feel guilty about your parents?

Bruce Wayne

My anger out weighs my guilt.

Ra's al Ghul

Good, gooood. You’re anger makes you strong.

*****

Ra's al Ghul

You almost shot the man who killed your parents and you’re surprised that we’re into executing criminals?

Bruce Wayne

Well I still can’t get my last conversation with Rachel out of my head. She’s prettier than you are. She’s also not completely nuts like you, something I should have noticed when I entered your mountain hide out.

Ra's al Ghul

So you won’t kill in the name of justice?

Bruce Wayne

No I won’t kill anyone… Unless they’re unable to escape this building which I’m about to blow up really easily.

Bruce Wayne escapes saving the life of Ra's al Ghul in the process. Because this is an origins story and he doesn’t yet realise how things like this tend to come back to haunt you.

Alfred Pennyworth

Good to see that you are alive Sir. I hope the 8 year absence has allowed you to finally deal with your issues.

Bruce Wayne

Actually I plan to dress like a bat and fight crime.

Alfred Pennyworth

Oh my. You realise Sir that you could afford some of the best therapists in the world?

*****

William Earle

Wayne Enterprise is going public; there is nothing you can do about it.

Bruce Wayne

Sure you keep believing that. Now can you introduce me to a friendly overworked scientist?

*****

Batman

Why hasn’t anyone stopped Falcone?

Sergeant Gordon

We can’t just go in, guns blazing, with the hope of finding some evidence. This movie is meant to be realistic you know.

Batman

If you want to be realistic shave off the moustache.

Sergeant Gordon

You have 10 seconds to get out of my sight.

Bruce Wayne

I want a set of wheels, the Tumbler looks good.

Lucius Fox

You realise I didn’t build that thing by myself right? If you start driving around in it someone’s going remember where it came from.

Bruce Wayne

Do you want to design and build one from scratch?

Lucius Fox

Safe driving Mr Wayne.

*****

Carmine Falcone

I’m here to over see things from my car.

Detective Flass

Great I’m really glad you took the risk to come here and do nothing.

Goon

Run we’re being attacked.

Carmine Falcone

Why did I only bring a shotgun? Ahh!

Batman

I’m Batman.

Carmine Falcone

Really? Nice voice, it's intimidating and will help stop anyone from recognising who you are.

Batman

Thanks. Hey flattery will get you nowhere; I’m going to use you to send a signal to the crime world.

*****

Rachel Dawes

Wow Bruce you’re back after all these years.

Bruce Wayne

Were you concerned about me?

Rachel Dawes

Not at all, even though the last time I saw you, was outside Falcone’s club.

Bruce Wayne

Wow nothing worries you does it?

Batman discovers the other drugs are stored somewhere in the narrows. Seeing as this is such a large area, he decides he’ll easily be able to find them by going building by building.

Dr Crane

Fear me!

Batman

Fear me!

Dr Crane

Fear me!

Batman

Fear me!

Scarecrow

Enough! I’m going to put my mask on now; we need to move this story up a gear. Here have some fear gas.

Batman

Oh no bats, maybe I still do need therapy.

*****

Rachel Dawes

I’ve come alone to confront you about Falcone… I shouldn’t have said I was alone should I?

Dr Crane

No.

Batman

I’m here for another confusing fight scene.

Scarecrow

I’ll just get you with the fear gas again.

Batman

Actually I’ve found a way to make myself immune to it even when you haven’t. Ha!

*****

Sergeant Gordon

Batman I’m here to help, I want my part in this movie to mean something.

Batman

This is fantastic for back up I have you, Alfred, Lucius and now Bats. How did Michael Keaton ever cope alone?

Sergeant Gordon

Glad I could help… by carrying Rachel down a few stairs... How about getting a sidekick?

Batman

No, I think that would be a bad idea.

Batman takes his Tumbler on a wild chase across the roof tops. He crushes some police cars and drops spikes that cause vehicles to flip rather than just have there tires punctured.

Police, camera, action

Wow I wish we could get footage like this.

Batman

Don’t worry Rachel we’ll make it. I just hope I’m not breaking my one rule in this insane chase.

Rachel Dawes

Why didn’t you just bring the anti dote with you?

Batman

I haven’t yet invented the hold anything for every occasion utility belt. I guess I could have kept the drugs in my glove box though.

*****

Alfred Pennyworth

How did you make it past the police?

Batman

Stealth mode.

Alfred Pennyworth

Sir we don’t want to take the invisible car route, that almost destroyed the Bond franchise.

Batman

No no it’s highly technical and plausible. I just turned off the vehicles lights.

Alfred Pennyworth

Right… I guess I’d better take Rachel home. Hopefully she doesn’t wake up on the way back it ,could lead to some awkward questions.

Ra’s al Ghul returns and burns down Wayne Manor. He doesn’t directly kill Bruce though. He didn’t spend all these years planning to destroy Gotham City so that he could do it intelligently.

Alfred Pennyworth

Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Bruce Wayne

I wonder if Joel Schumacher is listening?

*****

Batman

We need to stop the train before it reaches Wayne Towers.

Sergeant Gordon

Easy, I’ll just call up and get them to cut the tracks power.

Batman

That’s not exciting enough and it won’t endanger anyone’s life. Besides I want a fist fight with Ra’s al Ghul.

*****

Ra’s al Ghul

You again!

Batman

I’m here to stop you.

Ra’s al Ghul

You don’t need to be on the train to do that, but I appreciate it that you made the effort.

Batman

It will give you a good death scene.

Ra’s al Ghul

But you don’t kill people.

Batman

Yeah but I don’t have to save you either.

Ra’s al Ghul

Sure there’s nothing morally ambiguous about that.

*****

Batman

Shall we shoe horn in a bit of last minute romantic interest.

Rachel Dawes

People who’ve been friends since they were kids normally find that weird. Besides I’m not sure which is your true identity Batman or Bruce Wayne.

Batman

I guess you’re right. At least I can rely on you to have a stable identity.

*****

Lieutenant Gordon

So shall we deliver a perfect set up for the next film?

Batman

Ooh the Joker. I like that.

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Batman And Robin: First Draft Parody Script

Opens with the darkest part of the movie, the title screen.

Batman

Look at my wheels I bet you want a car?

Robin

Are you kidding me it has one seat and no protective covering you may as well ride a bike.

Batman

What do you want from me a tank?

*****

Batman

I’m Batman.

Mr Freeze

Ice to meet you.

Batman

That’s not funny.

Mr Freeze

It gets worse.

Robin

I’m Robin.

Mr Freeze

See?

Batman

Whoa ice hockey goons. We’ll be America you be Canada… no wait.

Mr Freeze

Ha ha I win. .I’ll kill you next time.

Batman

Why kill me now.

Mr Freeze

Do not try to bring cold logic into this movie.

*****

Pamela Isley

Your experiments are horrific.

Dr Woodrue

And your attempts to mix animals and plants aren’t?

Pamela Isley

I guess my idea that plants are worth more than humans suggests that I’m smoking something, but that is against my ethics.

Dr Woodrue

I don’t think I  can work with you, it’s best to kill you in a super power inducing way.

*****

Bruce Wayne

And there’s the back story for Mr Freeze. We don’t want to get into it too much because… well because we have such a complex plot to get through…

Dick Grayson

Alfred are you ill?

Alfred

When I’m running around this huge mansion doing all the work myself? Certainly not. And I’m supposed to be the most important person in Mr Wayne’s life.

Bruce Wayne

Yes, whatever, I’ll have dinner in my room tonight Alfred.

Cut to the secret lair of Mr Freeze. Despite needing a place that needs to be frozen the police are completely inept at tracking him down.

Mr Freeze

Come on everybody sing along.

Audience

We hate this movie.

Director Joel Schumacher

Come on guys can’t you accept this as a fun almost parody like version of Batman.

Audience

No!

Director Joel Schumacher

Well I sure missed the mark with this one. Man I miss the 60’s.

*****

Alfed

May I introduce Barbara who is Commisioner Gordon’s daughter.

Barbara Wilson

Actually I’m your niece.

Alfred

You are? Wonderful more responsibility for me.

Barbara Wilson

You see my parents were killed by….

Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson

By a psychopathic killer?

Barbara Wilson

No it was an accident.

Bruce Wayne

Oh, well I can’t see how we’ll work out your motivation then.

*****

Goon

Sir look at this headline.

Mr Freeze

Do you mind I’m having a character moment here.

Goon

Wow that’s more than Two Face got in the last movie.

Mr Freeze

Fanicetic isn’t it?

Goon

If only you could drop the stupid puns you might be preferred as a  villain as well.

*****

Poison Ivy

I’m Poison Ivy. You can still trust me despite the name, honest.

Batman

Sounds good but you look familiar. If only your eyebrows weren’t hidden by thin plants maybe I’d recognise you.

*****

Batman

Despite the fact your bike can skid as fast as my car drives, I’m stopping you.

Robin

But you need me.

Batman

Actually I’ve somehow caught Freeze by myself.

Robin

Oh.

Alfred

Time for a emotional scene sir?

Bruce Wayne

It’s bound to be interrupted… wait were getting to go on. Wow Joel Schumacher actually learnt something from the last movie. But forgot a lot of other stuff

*****

Bane

Grrr.

Poison Ivy

Bane I really need a plan surely there’s more to you?

Bane

Grrr.

Poison Ivy

*Sigh* ok fine just beat up these thugs.

*****

Barbara Wilson

Fancy a dangerous night on the town?

Dick Grayson

Been there done that. My characters already developed haha.

Barbara Wilson

Yeah well I’m more important this time. I’m here to rescue Alfred from this abysmal life he’s always spoken so highly of.

Dick Grayson

I’m sure he’ll be thankful.

*****

Poison Ivy

I’m here to rescue you.

Mr Freeze

How can our plans possibly work together? Are plants fans of the cold?

Poison Ivy

We’ll worry about that later for now let us escape.

Mr Freeze

Okay lets go through the wall.

Poison Ivy

Have you seen how high up we are?

Director Joel Schumacher

Haven’t you noticed physics don’t apply in this movie?

Poison Ivy

In a franchise that has the one super hero that’s meant to be limited by the real world limitations. Great.

*****

Commissioner Gordon

Glad you made it Batman and Robin. Hey do you realise you got a side kick at the same time Bruce Wayne got a new house mate? Funny that.

Batman

You realise you’re still completely useless, funny that.

Commissioner Gordon

Shh, I don’t want to be replaced.

*****

Bruce Wayne

Fancy settling our differences and working together?

Dick Grayson

Sure. We managed to in the last movie. Still I guess the tension has giving me some depth.

Bruce Wayne

No it hasn’t.

*****

Computer Alfred

Hello Barbara before I died I wanted to encourage you into a really dangerous line of work which ruins the lives of those who do it.

Barbara Wilson

Uncle you’re the greatest.

Computer Alfred

You’re welcome I hope you can fight in high heels.

Barbara Wilson

What beautiful movie heroine can’t?

*****

Robin

Sucker you’re poison didn’t work because of rubber my lips.

Poison Ivy

Great trap kissing me for no reason so that I can overpower you anyway.

Batgirl

Not so fast.

Batman

Oh great not another one. Look I just don’t think you and Robin can strike fear into the criminals of Gotham like I do.

Batgirl

You mean like you used to do? Besides without us you might get your back broken or something.

Batman

Ok fine, but in future you need to make a more dramatic entrance.

Batgirl

I dealt with Poison Ivy didn’t I?

Audience

Great so now Batman can’t defeat even her on his own.

*****

Mr Freeze

You can’t stop me I’m going to Freeze the city.

Batman

Why?

Mr Freeze

I don’t know it just seems to suit my character.

They fight Freeze who has lost his goons and most of his fighting ability.

Batman

So we’ve melted the city and everyone will be ok. Doesn’t make sense but I guess even stupid ideas need a climax.

Robin

And we managed the important job of stopping Bane it’s  good job he wasn’t with Poison Ivy.

Batman

Freeze can you cure my friend?

Mr Freeze

Sure why not?

Batman

Wow thanks for turning into a super villain I might not have found a cure otherwise.

*****

Alfred

I’m alive hoorah.

Bruce Wayne

Great because with three of us you now have a lot more work to do.

Alfred

Marvellous just marvellous, I think this series should return to basics. I’m getting to old for this.

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.