Doctor Who: The Marriage Of River Song: First Draft Parody Script

Opens with various shots of our world which show that time is in a mess. Hmm déjà vu… Still it does look good and we do get a funny interview with Charles Dickens.

Winston Churchill

What has happened to time? Explain it to me simply so that the audience and I can understand.

Doctor

Timey wimey.

Winston Churchill

No you can be more complex than that.

We get flashbacks of the Doctor collecting more information on the Silence.

Dalek

Hi.

Dalek

Just hi? No threats?

Doctor

I don’t want you to leave, we’ve been off screen too long. Why?

Doctor

You get defeated too easily we need to build the threat back up. Now shut up! I’ve come to yank information out of your smashed defeated body.

*****

Doctor

Dorium you’re alive!

Dorium

Yes and I’m the only head who could afford a comfortable box. Now you must be seeking the ultimate question?

Doctor

Be serious! We need that for the anti climatic end to the episode.

We go back to the Utah lake to watch the Doctor get killed.

Doctor

Can’t you walk out of the lake quicker we’ve already had enough flash back scenes in the pre credit sequence.

River Song

Patience sweetie I’m going to rewrite this fixed point in time.

Doctor

But that’s impossible... Probably… I do seem to come up with a lot of rules that get are later broken.

*****

Doctor

Did you have to stun me?

Amy

What can I say? I like an entrance! So what’s going on this time?

Doctor

All of history is happening at the same time. Well the parts of history which we can recycle props for.

Amy

All at once? Shouldn’t the earth be really overpopulated and deadly?

Doctor

Well…?

Amy

Shall we just go to the secret plot advancing base?

Doctor

Yes please.

They go to area 52 which is inside a pyramid. This is a cool idea, it’s a shame the set isn’t as grand as the special effects.

Captain Williams

The Silence are as quite as usual Marm.

Amy

Good, good. Carry on Brad Pitt. I mean Rory Williams.

River Song

Hello Doctor, do you want to do the usual flirting.

Doctor

Sure for once we have plenty of time.

Madame Kovarian

Oh no not the flirting. I should have raised River better than this. Kill me please!

Amy

Ok.

Madame Kovarian

No I wasn’t being serious besides that’s too dark for your character. Ahh!

Cut to the top of the pyramid where a distress signal is being sent out.

Doctor

But whose going to help me. I know the majority of people like me but who?

River Song

You must  not die without knowing you are loved.

Doctor

Thanks for risking the world to tell me that. Now before I die we’ll bind hands with my bow tie. Now Rory do you consent?

Rory

How can I properly consent if I don’t know what it is?

Doctor

Just do it! You too Amy.

Amy

Ok.

Doctor

That’s it River we are now husband and wife.

River

That’s my wedding? But I didn’t get a fancy dress, beautiful flowers, admiration from friends, a big party….

Doctor

No but it sure is a lot cheaper this way.

They kiss and the doctor “dies” at last.

Amy

*Sob* The Doctor’s dead.

River Song

Oh mummy don’t be silly. There’s plenty of life in the Dr Who series yet. I just killed a Teselecta version of him. Now let’s all have some family time at last.

Audience

That’s a bit of a cheat and we’re not talking about cheating time… We can’t wait to the Christmas special. Just, no more disappointments please

Dorium

So you survived. But the first question. The most important question in the Universe still remains. Doctor Who? Dr Who?

Audience

You can not be serious!

Fin

Reasons to Love Rather Than Hate Doctor Who

Dr Who is  causing  great excitement on television.  Whether you’re a regular sci fi fan or not Dr Who can entertain and thrill you. These are some of the reasons the show is so well loved.

A long history of quality episodes

Debuting onold black and white televisions across the UK Dr Who holds the record for the longest running science fiction series. 23rd of November 1963 is the date it started making television history an it had been enjoyed by a wide audience ever since. Its being enjoyed across the world and and growing more and more popular in America.
The shows staying power can be attributed to the  dedication and love of all those involved in the show. From actors to directors. Writers to designers. You can tell that those  who have created fantastic episodes over the years have really cared about the show.

Fantastic stories

The premise of show allows the writers to do a rich array of stories.The Tardis can go anywhere, anytime and this has certainly been put to great use over the years. The Dr can interact with manyfamous people across historyand it is always fun to see how they interact with him.
Steven Moffat has done a brilliant job since taking over as show runner. Taking Dr Who seriously whilst still making the show fun. He has wonderfully simple ideas made scary in the shows and mixes in with this complex and engaging storylines which run throughout the series. This balance has made this show continue its tradition of entertaining adults and children alike.



Great characters

Whether a character is in Dr Who for one episode or is in multiple series a lot of effort is put into making them fascinating to watch. The stream of companions over the years have been perfect for the Dr and  audience. The Dr has had company to share experiences with and to help him in histravels. Whilst the audience has characters they can relate to easier than the mysterious Dr. Rory and Amy are wonderful as the first married couple to travel in the Tardis creating a refreshingly new dynamic for the series,
The Dr, whose true name we still don’t know, is thrilling to watch in all 11 incarnations. His regenerationshave affected his personaility as well as his appearence but deep down he is still the same oldloveable rogue timelord. There are many layers to his character and the continued mystery makes him all the more facinating. Matt Smith is perfecly cast as the 11th Dr mixing fantastic comic timing, with charm, intelligence and emotion.

Memorable villains

One of the most famous villains of all time has come from Dr Who. The Daleks. Quintesentionally British and afantastic design they have become an icon. The Cybermen, Sontarans, time lords, the master, and many more have kept us enthralled as they foolishy went up against the Dr.
Even villains who are seen in one show get a lot of effort put into them and become memorable. The villains keep the show scary in delightfully imaginative with their use of many clever and evil methods.

“Special” effects

The show started with a tiny budget and money has continued to stay tight ever since. But this has never dettered Dr Who which has always come out with ambitious storylines. Yes the city in The Daleks is clearly a model. And yes they expanded the corridors with painted sheets but they created an engrossing story. Special effects may impove over the years but the past effects are still good to watch and serve their purpose. It is good to see the new series has kept a slightly cheesy feel to some effects and make up as it adds to the charm and makes the show feel truly Dr Who.

In the future it will not be the special effects that are remembered but the fantastic stories.

 

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This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.