Opens with a father and son scene. Seeing as it takes place in Russia the film makers felt they had to include alcohol as well.
Vanko’s Dad
Now that I’m dying, you must continue my work.
Ivan Vanko
I could have done with your help when you were still healthy, it would have made my life a lot easier.
There are a series of scenes of Vanko constructing his own arc reactor. It then cuts to 6 months later, which considering we don’t know how long this took Vanko to complete, is a useless time reference.
Iron Man
So I’ll drop out of this plane so that I can fly to this party where no one will see me until I land?
Pepper Potts
Don’t blame me Super Heroes are meant to work out their own grand entrances. Hmmm I sure hope there’s no one in this huge crowd who’d want to assassinate you.
Iron man
Don’t worry I’m sure my lone bodyguard can protect us.
Happy Hogan
I work alone?
*****
Stan Lee
Hi.
Tony Stark
Do you have to be in every Marvel moivie? Do you? Do you?
Stan Lee
I…err well you see I’m the creator…
Tony Stark
It’s no longer quaint and it’s not funny. Just play a major character in the next film and get it out of your system already.
Cut to a senate hearing where a surprisingly patient Senator puts up with an incredibly annoying Tony Stark.
Senator Stern
I don’t think you’re taking this committee seriously.
Tony Stark
Come on lighten up Stern... Look I’ve given us peace, worked as a nuclear deterrent…
Senator Stern
How can you possibly be an effective deterrent? Everyone knows there’s only one suit and they know exactly where it launches from.
Justin Hammer
The suit would be best handled by the government. What if you decide to go drink flying in it or something?
Tony Stark
You make a really good point but seeing as the audience is meant to hate you, shut it.
*****
Tony Stark
Time for a race, in my intoxicated state.
Pepper Potts
I have a bad feeling about this.
Vanko crashes the race, discovering that the security is non existent.
Ivan Vanko
I’m here to make you bleed.
Tony Stark
I’m bleeding plenty already; just give me a chance to put on my Ironman suit. I can compact it down into a suitcase isn’t that cute… I mean cool?
*****
Tony Stark
So we had this guy’s father deported for being an ambitious entrepreneur? IN AMERICA!
Pepper Potts
Dumb isn’t it? But we can’t dwell on it as this movie can’t afford to have a villain we sympathise with.
*****
Ivan Vanko
I’m in jail but I’ve played mind games with Tony Stark so I’m clearly a clever villain.
Justin Hammer
Actually if I hadn’t of rescued you, you would have been forgotten for the rest of the movie? Now will you work for me? I can trust you right?
Ivan Vanko
If you had checked my back story you’d realise that you’re the embodiment of everything I despise… of course you can trust me.
*****
Tony Stark
Celebrate good times.
Party guests
Hooray Tony. We love the way you’re stumbling around drunk in your dangerous suit. We’re not at all afraid.
Nick Fury
This party’s over.
Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes
Get out of here this is my job. Go to bed Tony I have your less advanced suit to stop you with.
Tony Stark
But you’ve never used that suit before? Can you see or are you blind? Can you move at all?
Lieutenant Colonel James Rhodes
I can control it easily; I even have no fear of flying it to an airbase hundreds of miles away.
*****
Nick Fury
Hello Tony I’m here to re-establish myself.
Tony Stark
We’ve met?
Nick Fury
Yeah I made a pointless post credit cameo in the first film.
Tony Stark
And what’s the point of you being in this film?
Nick Fury
Just further establishment of S.H.I.E.L.D, and my colleagues do most of that. I do have a temporary treatment for your illness though.
Tony Stark
Look I don’t have time for any AA meetings.
Nick Fury
I don’t mean the alcohol, we’ve found a way to combat the palladium poisoning, which is no where near as interesting character wise.
Tony Stark
I’m just glad that drinking isn’t my biggest problem, fancy going to a bar?
Justin Hammer
Those look worryingly like the drones from the star wars prequels. Make sure they know how to fight.
Ivan Vanko
Roger Roger.
*****
Tony Stark
Oh woe is me.
Pepper Potts
Oh just go and tinker in your garage it helps most men. Especially when they get to cause some damage.
Black Widow
Also whilst you’re at it, try to figure out your father’s last secret. He left it hidden somewhere.
Tony Stark
Why can’t fathers ever give us things simply?
Cut Stark Expo where Justin Hammer attempts to act as cool as Tony Stark by dancing lamely. This is funny.
Justin Hammer
Check out my drones, cool aren’t they?
Iron man
They’re nice enough, but you haven’t discovered a new element in the last 24 hours have you?
Justin Hammer
I hate you.
Ivan Vanko
So do I. Drones attack! Oh and you too War Machine, shame you didn’t check for an override when you got into the suit.
*****
Hammer’s guard
They’re breaking in. I thought the battle was going to take place far from here?
Black Widow
We’ll have to fight all of Hammer’s guards so that we can reboot War Machine.
Happy Hogan
Why? Even Justin Hammer wants to stop the drones; he could just call security and tell them to do it themselves.
Scarlett Johansson
That would be easier, but I want to establish myself so that I’m hired for the Avenger movie.
*****
Police
Justin Hammer you’re under arrest. What you’re surprised?
Justin Hammer
I shouldn’t be. I’ll get you next time gadget man... I mean Iron Man.
*****
Iron Man
I’m glad to see you’re back on my side. Let’s go home.
War Machine
What about the other drones?
Iron Man
Black Widow will shut them down as well of course.
Director John Favreau
Actually it would be cooler if the two of you fought them together.
Iron Man
I guess you’re right. Hey check out my light sabre like weapons.
War Machine
Sweet.
Iron Man
I can only use them once though. I can’t have an easy solution for everything, I’m not Superman.
Ivan Vanko
Hey look at me I’ve made a better suit than you and in less time.
Iron Man
I’ve never had a better excuse to destroy something.
Ivanko decides he is far too manly to use a helmet so he removes his. He is eventually defeated though as he is also far too manly to have guns on his suit.
Ivan Ivanko
Well you have defeated me but at least I damaged you, You will never be the same.
Iron Man
Actually you really helped me to work through my issues. Thanks a lot.
Ivan Ivanko
Life is cruel.
*****
Iron Man
So Pepper Potts I’ve saved you, I’ve saved the city, I’ve saved the world… kind of.
War Machine
Don’t forget you had help.
Iron Man
Yes thank you. I assume you’ll handle the military? I’m sure they’ll want to steal my suit after seeing that others can replicate it.
War Machine
I’ll deal with it off screen, that’s always the easiest way.
Meanwhile in the middle of no where Thor’s hammer is discovered.
S.H.I.E.L.D Agent
Well so much for this series trying to keep any sense of realism.
Fin
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced
With Out Permission.
2 comments:
Great parody again...Easy for me to read, as well...smiles
HA :)
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