The Walking Dead: A: First Draft Parody Script

The last episode of the season begins, trying to influence the critics with its title.

A

Opens with a flashback of the happy prison life, Hershel is back because... well everyone's likes Hershel. Besides whose going to remember farmer Rick from the beginning of the season?

Hershel

Hi how's....

Rick

Not so fast, I need to go back to my current day traumatic state.

Carl

What are we doing Dad?

Rick

Hunting rabbits huhuhhuhuhuhuh...

Carl

Are you ok?

Rick

Clearly not.

Flashback

Hershel

Rick I'm worried about you. Come with me and become a farmer.

Rick

Don't you think that it's too early for me to start dropping my guard?

Hershel

No, no not at all. Or on my head be it.

Cut to the current day where they tensely dispatch walkers with ease.

Rick

This seems as good a place as any for a camp fire.

Carl

Dad we couldn't be any more out in the open.

Rick

Don't worry about the risks son. Can't you see how I've grown as a character?

The marauders arrive to interrupt the ever vigilant Rick and Michone.

Joe

You killed our friend! Only we get to kill our friends!

Daryl

Hey Rick! Remember this bad ass friend of yours? I'm so bad ass I am going to stop these marauders by trying to talk to them out of it. Ow!

Rick

Noooo! You can't kill Daryl... I mean Carl! Chomp.

Michone

Whoa you really have good teeth for someone this far into an apocalypse.

Rick

I've just bitten someone's neck in half and that's all you have to say?

Michone

Hey I'm just trying to keep a little sense of mystery with my character.

They continue walking to terminus but at the last minute decide not just to knock on the front door.

Rick

We'll leave most of our weapons here as a precaution.

Carl

Why not leave 2 people here as a precaution as well?

Rick

Son I told you not to question tmy character development!

Radio lady

Sanctuary for all, community for all. Terminus. Those who arrive survive. Alive...wahahahahaha!

Gareth

Hey I told you to cut out that last bit.

Rick

Hello.

Gareth

Whoa, how long have you been watching us?

Rick

Long enough...

Gareth

Oh no.

Rick

To know that we want to stay here.

Gareth

Oh yes, yes of course. Come and have something to eat, I hope that you're not vegetarians. Ah!

Rick

Where did you get the watch?

Gareth

It's a long story.

Rick

Liar! Tell me where my people are or I'll shoot.

Gareth

Ha, notice the sniper? It's a bit too late to realise that this is a trap.

Rick

Run!

Gareth

Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run.

Carl (running for his life)

*Gasp* I wish that we paid more attention *Gasp* to the forshadowing *Gasp*

Gareth

We have you surrounded, get in the shipping container.

Rick

Hey my son comes with me.

Gareth

We will think about it.

Rick

If he doesn't I'll be constantly asking “Where's Carl”?

Gareth

Fine take him!

Glenn

Rick! Good to see you but also bad to see you, in a way.

Maggie

You were stupid enough to get sucked in too?

Rick

We reconnoitred first.

Maggie

And you didn't see the bones, or hear the screams?

Rick

Well err no... but they're the ones who should feel stupid.

Glenn

Why?

Rick

Well err because... OK!

The shows ambles to a finish but everyone's happy because none of their favourite characters have died.

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

James Bond Dr No: First Draft Parody Script

Opens up with the startling scene of the viewer being shot. Talk about opening with a bang.

We then see 3 blind men walking through the city.

Director Terence Young

This is a far cry from the parody movie of Casino Royale… really!

Audience

Errr?

The 3 blind men turn out to be assassins.

Audience

Phew.

We then meet Bond, James Bond at the Poker table.

Audience

Errr?

James Bond

This isn’t like the last movie. Honest! Just look how suave I am.

Money Penny

Fancy starting off the next 50 years of sexual tension.

James Bond

Haven’t you noticed how direct I when it comes to getting the women I want? You should really take the hint.

M

I am the most important man in british intelligence. IAM NOT JUST HERE FOR EXPOSITION!

James Bond

What is my mission then!

M

Sigh…You get to go to Jamaica. Lucky you. But whilst sunbathing try to find a man called Strangways. Oh and take a new gun, a PPK. It will help you with your invincibility.

Bond arrives in Jamica where we get the first thrilling car chase of the franchise… where Bond is being chauffer driven…

James Bond

Talk!

Chauffer

Ok, but first let me have a cigarette.

James Bond

Ok but you know smoking will kill you.

Chauffer

You’re right. Gak!

James Bond

I really should have seen that coming.

*****

James Bond

That wasn’t very subtle. Taking a photo of me like that.

Photographer

I hope that one day cameras will be smaller. Much smaller!

James Bond

Tell us who you work for or we’ll hurt you.

Felix Lighter

Bond you’ll casually kill hundreds of men. You’ll even casually endanger women and children for a cool stunt. But you always have a soft spot when confronted with a single beautiful woman. Now enough time wasting, we need to talk to Dr No.

James Bond

Oh that is just wonderful he really does sounds like an agreeable character.

The fantastic and thrilling Bond theme continues to get played as we watch James Bond… sending a cable and collecting his car keys?

James Bond

These rock samples are radioactive? I will not show any concern though. I will just proceed straight to Dr No’s secret lair.

We get a classic Bond car chase with the use of rear projection. They sure used to struggle with getting the perspective right on these old special effects. Fortunately for Bond the enemy car doesn’t appear to have any brakes.

Quarrel

I’m not sure about taking you to the island Mr Bond. I’m a black man in a 60s action movie, I’m bound to have a horrible death.

James Bond

Maybe, but this is going to be a long franchise, you should try and have a memorable place in it.

Honey Ryder

That’s certainly my intention.

James Bond

Wow that entrance will definitely leave an impression. The white bikini is enough to forget even the bad song dubbing and hopefully this weird idea that you would come to a dangerous island just to collect shells.

Honey Ryder

My motivations maybe dubious, but I am a critical part of this story… Really!

James Bond

Really.

Honey Ryder

I can help you, I know the island well.

James Bond

Ok show us. Just leave behind anything you don’t really need… like proper clothing…

*****

Quarel

Look Mr Bond a dragon! Wait I’m not that stupid… let’s needlessly shoot it.

Quarrel shoots away and gets his death scene. They then go to the hidden lair of Dr No.

James Bond

Hello Dr No you’ve been introduced into this movie really late haven’t you?

Dr No

Well I hope to live on in a variety pf parodies.

James Bond

Interesting. So what brings you here?

Dr No

I was once a treasurer for a large criminal organisation called  S.P.E.C.T.R.E. But I left them after stealing 100 BILLION DOLLARS!

James Bond

HAHAHAHA! Dr No this is 1962 that amount of money doesn’t even exist.

Dr No

Ok, ok it was just 10 million.

James Bond

And you spent a million dollars on the fish tank? You must really love fish…and lasers?

Dr No

No.

James Bond (Looking crestfallen)

What a shame.

Bond gets thrown into an inescapable cell.

James Bond

Inescapable? No its not it’s easy I just need to use my show to get into this oversized air/water vent.

Q

You escaped uing just your shoe? We can’t have that. I’d better make myself busy. How are you going to stop Dr No? By throwing some switches?

James Bond

Just one actually.  Now come here for a climatic fight Dr I Barely Know.

Dr No

No, no I’m beaten. Why are all of my minions running away like cowards.

Where is my number 2 guy to help?

Bond rescues Honey Ryder and escapes just in time.

James Bond

The boats out of fuel but that’s no reason to delay our loving.

Honey Ryder

But we could die out here.

James Bond

Don’t be silly, my name is Bond, James Bond.

Snowman Dog

Because everyone likes a cute dog picture

Can You Look Cool In A Ski Onesie?

Are they coming back into fashion? Or are they just for novelty and a laugh?

Doctor Who: Let's Kill Hitler: First Draft Parody Script

Another great episode of Dr Who reviewed as a parody

Opens with a mini racing through a field to make crop circles.

Amy

See we are still a British show.

Mels comes racing in driving a Corvette. A Corvette which gets a nice shot parked next to the Tardis instead of the Mini.

Amy

Blast! Never mind.

Mels

You’ve got to get me out of here.

Doctor

But I’ve only just arrived.

Mels

You don’t want to stick around here Doctor. There is some nonsense going on where no ones dying. If you get this miracle sorted out in a day Torchwood will get bored.

A long time ago in Berlin.

Teselecta Nazi Officer

Time to suffer for your crimes Hitler.

The Tardis crashes into the side of the Reichstag with the worse sense of timing it has ever displayed.

Doctor

You shot my Tardis! Isn’t there an easier way of testing my “temporal grace”

Classic Who Fans

What?

Doctor

Allo Allo Allo, sorry for wrecking your office we had un petite problème.

Hitler

You saved my life.

Doctor, Amy Rory

Non!

Hitler

And you’re French?

Doctor

No, no. We’re British and proud.

Hitler

The British clearly have fearsome technology, I wont dare to attack you. I will shoot the man who tried to kill me though.

Rory punches Hitler in a fantastic character moment.

Rory

That was even better than Captain America.

Doctor

Hmm that could really change history. We’d best hide Hitler in the cupboard and hope he forgets this.

Rory

And I thought the title would lead to some moral dilemmas.

Mel

No time for that this episode is about me.

Mels dramatically regenerates into River Song. We wonder why time lords often regerate into new bodies which are actually past their physical prime.

Audience

So the Doctor could regenerate into a black man? That opens up some possibilities.

Amy

Mels you’re our Daughter? I’m too confused to show relief.

Mels

See Mum, you and Dad you did get to raise me. You even named your daughter after me.

Amy

Couldn’t the flashbacks have shown us having a close friendship? I named my daughter after my delinquent friend who caused me nothing but trouble. And you still turned into a psychopath. What kind of a mother am I?

Teselecta Opereative

That judgement can wait till later. Taking care of River Song will be an even greater achievement than punishing Hitler.

Teselecta Commander

River Song’s worse than Hitler? That sure is a bold statement.

Teselecta Opereative

Yes but we can’t do it here we need to go to The Library at the end of her life.

Teselecta Commander

No we’ll continue with the dramatic course of action we’ll chase her through Berlin.

River Song races through Berlin punishing some Nazis by forcing them out onto the street almost  naked. Amy and Rory try to follow but are miniaturised and taken into the Teselecta.

Rory

Miniaturisation? Oh no, Please no small jokes.

Teselecta Opereative

Quick put these wrist bands on they’ll protect you from the Teselecta antibodies.

Rory

What they don’t have a more intelligent way of recognising staff? That could be dangerous for you.

Doctor

Tardis I want a voice interface. Well a voice interface which comes with an image to be more specific.

An image of Rose appears.

Audience

Oh please not again.

The voice interface eventually changes to a young Amelia Pond.

Young Amy Pond

No one in the entire universe and at no point in history has ever come up with a cure for that poison.

Doctor

Typical thank you so much for that help.

Meanwhile back at the restaurant.

River Song

Hi mum, is it time for the mother daughter scene that everyone’s been waiting for since A Good Man Goes To War?

Telecta Amy

You killed the Doctor. Suffer!

Doctor

Killed Doctor Who?

Rory

Ok maybe a small joke would have been better.

Doctor

So Teselecta, got any useful exposition for me.

Teselecta Commander

The Silence is an organisation and not just one species.

Doctor

Oh good I don’t have to worry about forgetting those aliens name then. But I will have to update my blog.

Amy and Rory

Doctor!

Doctor

What? You’ve got the sonic screw driver. You can stop them from torturing your daughter.

They do so in the usual dangerous way. River then saves them from the antibodies, learning to pilot the Tardis with a speed the Doctor can only envy.

River Song

You’re a caring man, this has suddenly reversed all that brainwashing I had. Even all of Amy’s good stories about you didn’t do that.

Rory

Oh no the Doctor’s dead! Can any of us make it through an episode without that happening?

River Song

Don’t worry I’ll use my remaining regenerations to save him.

Doctor

I’m touched. Does that mean I get extra regenerations or just come back to life?

Writer Steven Moffat

Oh I think that question can wait.

Amy

So after all the longing to be with our daughter again, we’re just going to leave her?

Doctor

There comes a time when we all have to let our children go. Especially when they’re 48.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Doctor Who: A Good Man Goes To War: First Draft Parody Script

A parody review of Dr Who A Good Man Goes To War. A fantastic episode with a great cliff hanger.

It's complicated and I'm not talking about this fancy cot mobile

Opens with Rory the Roman threatening the Cybermen.

Rory

My name is Rory Lazarus Williams. Nurse of the NHS. Loyal to the true sci fi hero the Doctor. Father of a kidnapped child husband to an angry wife. And I shall have my vengeance. In this life or the next.

Cybermen

O…k. Why are you telling us this?

Rory

To make you believe I’m threatening despite my strange outfit. To make you tell me where I can find my wife And besides I’ve always wanted to say that.

Cybermen

Any outfit you’d wear would be strange to us this is probably the best choice.

Rory

Good point. But since you didn’t help straight away we’re going to blow up your fleet.

*****

Doctor

I’m calling in some favours.

Dorium

After all the horrors you’ve faced you finally want some help? This must be dangerous? Can’t I just draw a map rather than show you the way there in person?

Doctor

Just keep your head and you’ll be fine.

*****

Colonel Manton

The Doctor will be coming with vengeance. We’d better say our prayers.

Madam Kovarian

We’re not going to. We are the demons remember.

Colonel Manton

So what’s with the Headless Monks?

Mad

It’s complicated.

The soldiers gather on Demons Run for a stirring speech.

Colonel Manton

You are the best soldiers. We will defeat the Doc…

Doctor

Hello.

Colonel Manton

My most hated enemy. I should kill you on sight.

Doctor

But you won’t even if all of your research about me shows your hesitation is a mistake.

Colonel Manton

We are not crazy fools. We will not be tricked just because you’re in fancy dress.

A soldier shoots a Headless Monk.

Colonel Manton

We are not crazy fools! Disarm!

Lots of Judoon and Silurians beam in.

Doctor

I love it when a plan comes together.

*****

Rory

Amy!

Amy

Rory J

Doctor

Amy!

Amy

You sure took you’re time.

Doctor

Timey wimey?

Amy

Ok then I can’t stay mad at you.

Later in the storm cage command centre.

Madam Vestra

They were manipulating Melody to become a weapon against you. You’ve become too dangerous.

Doctor

“Demons run when a good man goes to war” didn’t you hear I’m a good man? Although the universe was destroyed due to my Tardis. I’m sure glad the Silurians, Sontarans and Judoon have forgiven me for that. But the Daleks might prove trickier to reconcile with.

Dorium

But this was too easy. It must be a trap.

Doctor

You go and find out while I bravely stay here and have a chat with the villain.

*****

Lorna

It’s a trap!

Amy

Why should we believe you? Look at your uniform.

Lorna

And? You’re still in your nightie, this isn’t the fairy tale series anymore.

The lights dim and the Headless Monks start their chant.

Lorna

Maybe we can talk to them, does anyone know Latin?

Cmmander Strax

Rory the Roman you must know some?

Rory

It was a long time ago.

They face the Headless Monks in one of Dr Who’s best fight scenes. Sword fighting is cool. But Amy’s baby disintegrates as it is a ganger.

Audience

Wait the last two episodes showed that gangers are sentient too. Is this the first case of Dr Who infanticide? This really is a scary show.

Doctor

Amy, Rory! Mrelody is a…bad timing again?

Amy

Yeah. Melody is gone and most of your army is dead.

River Song

Hello sweetie.

Amy

You turn up now when I’m at my most angry?

Doctor

Please Amy let me have my moment first. You turn up now when I am at my most angry?

River Song

It’s time for my big revelation. Some smug fans will say they already guessed it but I doubt many were a 100% sure. And they only guessed it after a really big clue. If they’d guessed it at the beginning of season 5 I might be impressed.

Doctor

Who are you?

River Song

Look at the writing on the cot.

Audience members that haven’t been paying much attention

You’re his mother?

River Song

Yuk that’s disgusting. No!

Doctor

I know who you are he he.

Looks guiltily at Amy and Rory.

Doctor

I’m out of here.

Amy

We could have easily stopped the Dr but I want you to tell us who you are.

River Song

I’m your daughter. I’m melody.

Amy

What?

Rory

Doctor!

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes: First Draft Parody Script

As another movie I enjoyed I decided to take a slightly different approach. Highlighting more of what I liked than usual to make this a more rounded review.

Who needs Red Bull?

Opens with a scene of apes being chased and captured in the jungle.

Charlton Heston

Hmm there’s something familiar about all this. Did they really need to reference the

original so early on?

Cut to Gen Sys pharmaceutical company.

Will Rodman

This chimpanzee might hold the key to curing Alzheimer’s. You must approve human testing.

Steven Jacobs

I can’t approve that alone who do you think I am? Just make sure the meeting with the board goes smoothly.

It doesn’t. Bright Eyes escapes as the facility has just two inept ape handlers to control her.

Steven Jacobs

That was a disaster and I assume her violence was caused by the drug so destroy them all. I always think caution is best.

Will Rodman

Well I hope your attitude towards caution doesn’t change over the years.

Robert Franklin

Actually the drug had nothing to do with it. So the movie can’t use it as a simple explanation for the violence of the apes. This is actually going to be interesting.

Will Rodman

Indeed. Well I’ll do some emotional human ape interaction by becoming this babies father.

Robert Franklin

That could be weird.

Will Rodman

Trust me and the animators.

Caesar grows up showing his advanced intelligence. Which naturally leads to increased curiosity but Will somehow manages to keep his super advanced pet secret. Until Caesar decides to try riding a bike. Thankfully we don’t see him ride it as it would look ridiculous.

Caroline

Hi I could be useful to you in studying your chimp.

Will Rodman

I’d prefer you as love interest. My only friends appear to be my father and a chimp yet I am still a socially likeable person.

Caroline

Ok but I feel obliged to show some concern that you’re playing God.

Will Rodman

No need to state the obvious, I work for a company called Gen Sys. It’s part of the job description.

Cut to five years later.

TV report

And the Icarus has entered mars orbit.

Will Rodman

They really shouldn’t have those missions something bad always happens. And why does it look like the command module from the Apollo missions? The astronauts would waste away making such a long trip in weightlessness.

Charles Rodman

I’m getting ill again. Son I need you to use your magic to heal me again over night

Will Rodman

That wasn’t magic it was science… kind of. Besides your  immune system is fighting the virus cure.

Charles Rodman

A virus cure? Haven’t you ever seen a movie about the human apocalypse?

Will Rodman

Well I’m taking precautions. Testing it at home, alone with no other medial support… I think I should talk to Jacobs.

Steven Jacobs

You’re still obsessed over a virus you created 8 years ok? Actually that’s all you do I really should get round to firing you.

Will Rodman

But the cure works my father is proof. Sort of… I just need to make a stronger version.

Steven Jacobs

Well you may have withheld this amazing breakthrough from your own company but I’ll still trust you.

*****

Charles Rodman

I fancy a drive.

Hunsiker

Hey get out of my car fool.

Will Rodman

You’ve been my neighbour all these years and you don’t know about my Alzheimer’s?

Hunisiker

I may have been reasonable before. I didn’t report it when Caeser was running loose and scaring my kids but this time it’s my car that’s in danger.

Caeser attacks him and horrifyingly appears to bite his finger off and chew on it. However later Hunisiker still has finger and is a nice neighbour again even confronting a possible burglar outside Will’s house? He must have been having a bad day. Caeser gets locked up in a primate sanctuary.

Dodge

Welcome to the mad house. Where I bring girls because I think the site of cruelly contained apes will make them fancy me more.

Caeser

Stupid human.

Maurice the Orangatan

Hey I can sign too.

Caeser

What? You’re an intelligent ape too? Without needing the virus? But that goes against everything else the movie’s been saying and for no real reason.

Maurice the Orangatan

Hey I can be your prime mate.

Caeser

Your not clever enough and some intelligent apes would be useful. I’ll go and get the smarterer…  I mean smartening virus. Good job Will leaves the highly secret and dangerous virus in his fridge next to his beers.

Back at the research lab.

Will Rodman

Let’s test this stronger virus with me being the only one who knows what I’m doing.

Robert Franklin

Really? It’s in gaseous form shouldn’t we have more protection? There must be company guidelines on this sort of thing.

Will Rodman

Don’t get in a panic you might knock off your mask. Oh you already have. Hey I just thought of how I can get Caeser I’m sure you can wait.

*****

Brian Cox

You’ve only just thought to try bribing me? We’ve been keep the equivalent of a young human locked up with dumb animals for weeks.

Caesar closes the door on Will.

Will Rodman

You might be right but I’ll but I won’t spend time trying to explain myself. I’ll j

Ust go and mope off camera.

Caesar stages his escape in a wy that could have easily failed despite all the planning he’s apparently done.

Dodge

Get your filthy paws off me you dirty ape. Oh I enjoyed saying that, did I deliver it as well as Charlton Heston?

Caesar

No!

Dodge

He can talk he can talk.

Caesar

I can sing!

Dodge

Talking is all I can handle for the moment.

The apes escape through the roof and the great music from the trailer makes one of its sadly few appearances.

Rocket

To NewYork!

Caesar

What? No. We’re going to the Redwood forest. You have to admire the writer’s restraint in not setting this movie in New York though. But first we need to go to the zoo then we’ll go and freak out Jacobs. It will be fun.

Policeman #1

The apes are moving around so fast we can’t catch up.

Policeman #2

If only we could go crashing through buildings like they do.

Policeman #1

Yeah. Wait why aren’t they all horribly injured from crashing through glass?

Policeman #2

This day is weird enough without thinking about things like that.

The apes arrive at the Golden Gate Bridge which is luckily shrouded in mist.

Police chief

We’ll send in the mounted police first.

Mounted Police

What if there are gorillas in the mist?

Police Chief

You have batons don’t you? We’ll stay here with the guns.

Koba

Die!

Caeser

No we can’t kill them this is not the 70s version.

Koba

You’re right it wont be as easy as Conquest of the Planet of the Apes.

Koba lifts up a gun.

Koba

From my cold dead hands!

Caeser

Don’t be such an animal, put that gun down.

The apes overrun the police in some good action shots. Then the helicopter closes in.

Caesar

This is like David facing Goliath where’s my slingshot? Ah this chain will do.

Caesar takes out the guns but Buck, not to be out done, leaps onto the helicopter.

Buck

Yes we can overcome advanced technology… dying in the process… oh my I hope something else can take care of these humans for us.

The apes reach Redwood Forest.

Will Rodman

Caesar!

Caesar

You’ve been yelling my name like that the whole movie. I thought from the trailer it would come at a dramatic moment.

Will Rodman

I just want attention you out shine me with your acting. But you can’t stay here you’ll be hunted down.

Caesar

But these monkeys can share cookies surely we can share a world or at least a wood?

Will Rodman

You really think you can hide here? Well maybe you can we appear to have bigger problems. But we’ll blame Jacobs his motivations weren’tt good like mine.

The movie closes with a graphic showing the virus spreading around the world. Apparently not one country tries to stop the virus from entering.

Caesar

Stupid humans.

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.