Doctor Who: Let's Kill Hitler: First Draft Parody Script

Another great episode of Dr Who reviewed as a parody

Opens with a mini racing through a field to make crop circles.

Amy

See we are still a British show.

Mels comes racing in driving a Corvette. A Corvette which gets a nice shot parked next to the Tardis instead of the Mini.

Amy

Blast! Never mind.

Mels

You’ve got to get me out of here.

Doctor

But I’ve only just arrived.

Mels

You don’t want to stick around here Doctor. There is some nonsense going on where no ones dying. If you get this miracle sorted out in a day Torchwood will get bored.

A long time ago in Berlin.

Teselecta Nazi Officer

Time to suffer for your crimes Hitler.

The Tardis crashes into the side of the Reichstag with the worse sense of timing it has ever displayed.

Doctor

You shot my Tardis! Isn’t there an easier way of testing my “temporal grace”

Classic Who Fans

What?

Doctor

Allo Allo Allo, sorry for wrecking your office we had un petite problème.

Hitler

You saved my life.

Doctor, Amy Rory

Non!

Hitler

And you’re French?

Doctor

No, no. We’re British and proud.

Hitler

The British clearly have fearsome technology, I wont dare to attack you. I will shoot the man who tried to kill me though.

Rory punches Hitler in a fantastic character moment.

Rory

That was even better than Captain America.

Doctor

Hmm that could really change history. We’d best hide Hitler in the cupboard and hope he forgets this.

Rory

And I thought the title would lead to some moral dilemmas.

Mel

No time for that this episode is about me.

Mels dramatically regenerates into River Song. We wonder why time lords often regerate into new bodies which are actually past their physical prime.

Audience

So the Doctor could regenerate into a black man? That opens up some possibilities.

Amy

Mels you’re our Daughter? I’m too confused to show relief.

Mels

See Mum, you and Dad you did get to raise me. You even named your daughter after me.

Amy

Couldn’t the flashbacks have shown us having a close friendship? I named my daughter after my delinquent friend who caused me nothing but trouble. And you still turned into a psychopath. What kind of a mother am I?

Teselecta Opereative

That judgement can wait till later. Taking care of River Song will be an even greater achievement than punishing Hitler.

Teselecta Commander

River Song’s worse than Hitler? That sure is a bold statement.

Teselecta Opereative

Yes but we can’t do it here we need to go to The Library at the end of her life.

Teselecta Commander

No we’ll continue with the dramatic course of action we’ll chase her through Berlin.

River Song races through Berlin punishing some Nazis by forcing them out onto the street almost  naked. Amy and Rory try to follow but are miniaturised and taken into the Teselecta.

Rory

Miniaturisation? Oh no, Please no small jokes.

Teselecta Opereative

Quick put these wrist bands on they’ll protect you from the Teselecta antibodies.

Rory

What they don’t have a more intelligent way of recognising staff? That could be dangerous for you.

Doctor

Tardis I want a voice interface. Well a voice interface which comes with an image to be more specific.

An image of Rose appears.

Audience

Oh please not again.

The voice interface eventually changes to a young Amelia Pond.

Young Amy Pond

No one in the entire universe and at no point in history has ever come up with a cure for that poison.

Doctor

Typical thank you so much for that help.

Meanwhile back at the restaurant.

River Song

Hi mum, is it time for the mother daughter scene that everyone’s been waiting for since A Good Man Goes To War?

Telecta Amy

You killed the Doctor. Suffer!

Doctor

Killed Doctor Who?

Rory

Ok maybe a small joke would have been better.

Doctor

So Teselecta, got any useful exposition for me.

Teselecta Commander

The Silence is an organisation and not just one species.

Doctor

Oh good I don’t have to worry about forgetting those aliens name then. But I will have to update my blog.

Amy and Rory

Doctor!

Doctor

What? You’ve got the sonic screw driver. You can stop them from torturing your daughter.

They do so in the usual dangerous way. River then saves them from the antibodies, learning to pilot the Tardis with a speed the Doctor can only envy.

River Song

You’re a caring man, this has suddenly reversed all that brainwashing I had. Even all of Amy’s good stories about you didn’t do that.

Rory

Oh no the Doctor’s dead! Can any of us make it through an episode without that happening?

River Song

Don’t worry I’ll use my remaining regenerations to save him.

Doctor

I’m touched. Does that mean I get extra regenerations or just come back to life?

Writer Steven Moffat

Oh I think that question can wait.

Amy

So after all the longing to be with our daughter again, we’re just going to leave her?

Doctor

There comes a time when we all have to let our children go. Especially when they’re 48.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Doctor Who: A Good Man Goes To War: First Draft Parody Script

A parody review of Dr Who A Good Man Goes To War. A fantastic episode with a great cliff hanger.

It's complicated and I'm not talking about this fancy cot mobile

Opens with Rory the Roman threatening the Cybermen.

Rory

My name is Rory Lazarus Williams. Nurse of the NHS. Loyal to the true sci fi hero the Doctor. Father of a kidnapped child husband to an angry wife. And I shall have my vengeance. In this life or the next.

Cybermen

O…k. Why are you telling us this?

Rory

To make you believe I’m threatening despite my strange outfit. To make you tell me where I can find my wife And besides I’ve always wanted to say that.

Cybermen

Any outfit you’d wear would be strange to us this is probably the best choice.

Rory

Good point. But since you didn’t help straight away we’re going to blow up your fleet.

*****

Doctor

I’m calling in some favours.

Dorium

After all the horrors you’ve faced you finally want some help? This must be dangerous? Can’t I just draw a map rather than show you the way there in person?

Doctor

Just keep your head and you’ll be fine.

*****

Colonel Manton

The Doctor will be coming with vengeance. We’d better say our prayers.

Madam Kovarian

We’re not going to. We are the demons remember.

Colonel Manton

So what’s with the Headless Monks?

Mad

It’s complicated.

The soldiers gather on Demons Run for a stirring speech.

Colonel Manton

You are the best soldiers. We will defeat the Doc…

Doctor

Hello.

Colonel Manton

My most hated enemy. I should kill you on sight.

Doctor

But you won’t even if all of your research about me shows your hesitation is a mistake.

Colonel Manton

We are not crazy fools. We will not be tricked just because you’re in fancy dress.

A soldier shoots a Headless Monk.

Colonel Manton

We are not crazy fools! Disarm!

Lots of Judoon and Silurians beam in.

Doctor

I love it when a plan comes together.

*****

Rory

Amy!

Amy

Rory J

Doctor

Amy!

Amy

You sure took you’re time.

Doctor

Timey wimey?

Amy

Ok then I can’t stay mad at you.

Later in the storm cage command centre.

Madam Vestra

They were manipulating Melody to become a weapon against you. You’ve become too dangerous.

Doctor

“Demons run when a good man goes to war” didn’t you hear I’m a good man? Although the universe was destroyed due to my Tardis. I’m sure glad the Silurians, Sontarans and Judoon have forgiven me for that. But the Daleks might prove trickier to reconcile with.

Dorium

But this was too easy. It must be a trap.

Doctor

You go and find out while I bravely stay here and have a chat with the villain.

*****

Lorna

It’s a trap!

Amy

Why should we believe you? Look at your uniform.

Lorna

And? You’re still in your nightie, this isn’t the fairy tale series anymore.

The lights dim and the Headless Monks start their chant.

Lorna

Maybe we can talk to them, does anyone know Latin?

Cmmander Strax

Rory the Roman you must know some?

Rory

It was a long time ago.

They face the Headless Monks in one of Dr Who’s best fight scenes. Sword fighting is cool. But Amy’s baby disintegrates as it is a ganger.

Audience

Wait the last two episodes showed that gangers are sentient too. Is this the first case of Dr Who infanticide? This really is a scary show.

Doctor

Amy, Rory! Mrelody is a…bad timing again?

Amy

Yeah. Melody is gone and most of your army is dead.

River Song

Hello sweetie.

Amy

You turn up now when I’m at my most angry?

Doctor

Please Amy let me have my moment first. You turn up now when I am at my most angry?

River Song

It’s time for my big revelation. Some smug fans will say they already guessed it but I doubt many were a 100% sure. And they only guessed it after a really big clue. If they’d guessed it at the beginning of season 5 I might be impressed.

Doctor

Who are you?

River Song

Look at the writing on the cot.

Audience members that haven’t been paying much attention

You’re his mother?

River Song

Yuk that’s disgusting. No!

Doctor

I know who you are he he.

Looks guiltily at Amy and Rory.

Doctor

I’m out of here.

Amy

We could have easily stopped the Dr but I want you to tell us who you are.

River Song

I’m your daughter. I’m melody.

Amy

What?

Rory

Doctor!

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission

Doctor Who: The Doctor's Wife: First Draft Parody Script

Opens with a shot of the House planet and some eerie looking people. It then cuts to the Doctor cruising in his Tardis.

Doctor

Look I got a message all the way out here from a Time lord. Must have taken a while to get to me.

Rory

Time Lords don’t have intergalactic instant messaging?

Doctor

No things are definitely best said with a letter.

They land on the House planet where the Tardis Matrix is stolen. To keep the Doctor guessing he doesn’t land next to any recognisable parts of other Tardis ships even though that’s what his ship should be attracted to.

Tardis Lady

You’re going to steal me, are stealing me? Tenses are so confusing.

Rory

Especially in French. Have you ever tried learning French?

Uncle and Auntie

Hello we are everyone’s worse weird and creepy uncle and aunt.

Doctor

You remind me of a cook I once knew who wanted to cook humans. But enough pleasantries this Ood is speaking out Time Lord signals. I really like Time Lords.

Audience

Really?

Doctor

Yeah there were some nice ones.

Amy

You want to be forgiven?

Doctor

What kind of a question is that? Of course I do. Wouldn’t you?

Amy

Sorry can I help?

Doctor

You can both go and get my sonic screwdriver from the Tardis. Even though you know I always carry it with me.

House

Poke around as much as you want but I don’t have bigger on the inside technology so don’t expect to find a lot of Time Lords in that cupboard.

Doctor

There are no Time Lords in here.

House

Haha cya.

Rory

But you said you were a friendly planet?

House

Everybody lies.

Tardis Lady

I am Tardis. Such a nice name don’t you think. A bit more imaginative than sexy.

Doctor

Hey! But wait you can’t be the Tardis it would burn you up. Unless a handsome Doctor sucked the energy out of you… actually it stayed in Rose for a while with no harm done to her… Nice to meet you my beautiful Tardis.

Tardis Lady

Yes and you. Even though I’ve always been with you and can apparently observe you. Have you realised it was me who stole you originally.

Doctor

Really? You must have been bored with all that time spent in 1963 junk yard? Speaking of junk yards there are a load of half eaten Tardis Ships which we can use to catch up with Amy and Rory.

Tardis Lady

House only ate half of a Tardis? For something he considers a delicacy he sure is wasteful.

Meanwhile Amy and Rory try to convince House not to kill them.

Rory

You could have more fun by tormenting us.

Amy

Oh way to go stupid face couldn’t you have offered him some kind of long riddle?

House

Have you got any medical riddles?

Amy

No.

House

Then run!

Audience

Yes at last this series is going to show us more of the massive Tardis.

Back on the planet.

Doctor

We’ve just built a Tardis in less time than it takes most people to replace a flat tyre. Are you sure this thing is safe?

Tardis Lady

Of course, I would never let you come to harm.

Doctor

Really? Do you remember the incident with the fast return switch in the brink of destruction?

Tardis Lady

You mean the Edge of Destruction.

Doctor

Don’t side step the question.

Meanwhile Amy and Rory are running through lots of corridors that all look the same.

Audience

Oh we were hoping to see more.

Rory

Amy wait. No!

Amy

Rory it’s ok I like older men.

Rory

You left me we really should hold hands if we’re going to get separated so easily. It will also help us tell illusion from reality. This is way too scary to face alone.

Tardis Lady

Go to oneof my old control rooms.

Audience

Cool. Are we going to see the Tom Baker style Tardis. Or even better a recreation of the very first Tardis set?

They enter the Tardis set used for the 9^th and 10^th Doctor.

Audience

Oh come on!

Doctor

You don’t have the power to breakthrough to our universe but I’ll help. Trust me I’m the Doctor.

House

I’m a Doctor too. I’ll trust you even enough to use your own hinted way of death.

Tardis Lady

Ha-ha I can’t believe you fell for that. Be gone!

House

Please I’m just grumpy and misunderstood. Noooo!

Doctor

I’ll miss you my Tardis.

Tardis Lady

But I’m always with you. Then again a talking Tardis might not be the best idea it could get silly. Can you promise me that you’ll use the Tardis more in the story rather than leaving me parked in some remote spot.

Doctor

I’ll try but I need the challenge of facing things with just my charm, wit, intelligence,  resourcefulness… oh and my sonic screw driver.

Fin

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

James Bond On Her Majesty's Secret Service: First Draft Parody Script

I watched this again after a snowboard holiday to Lauterbrunan where a lot of it was set. I think Lazenby made a different but good Bond and that it's a good movie. I always like a good ski chase.

Opens with a pointless scene of Q describing some tech. But everyone likes Q so it’s ok anyway.

James Bond

I’m George Lazenby every bit as good as Sean Connery please like me.

Audience

Boo.

James Bond

Come on give me a chance.

Audience

A small chance maybe. But we will scrutinise every breath you take.

James Bond

I might as well kill myself in the sea like that pretty girl… Wait a pretty girl? Things are looking up.

Bond rescues Tracy who has passed out after a minute of paddling. Tracy runs as Bond is attacked by two inept henchmen.

James Bond

Would it help now if I broke the fourth wall and referenced my predecessor?

Audience

No that’s the worst thing you could do.

James Bond

Oops too late.

Tracy

Bond James Bond we meet again.

James Bond

It’s just James Bond. You don’t have to say Bond at the beginning.

Tracy

But you always say…

James Bond

I know what I say; it is a difficult habit to break.

Tracy

Ok… Shall we start falling in love then?

Henchman

Seeing as my boss wants to encourage this romance I’d better interrupt them.

Bond fights the henchman destroying a lot of furniture in the process.

James Bond

I will not kill you or even question your intent. I’m sure leaving loose ends won’t cause me any trouble in the future.

Henchman & Friends

Come with us.

James Bond

Drat.

Draco

I got my men to kidnap you to show how cool and dangerous I am.

James Bond

But I could have killed them. If you want to be a cool Bond character try shaving your moustache.

Draco

I like you and even though you’ll be a danger to her I want you to marry Tracy. I’ll even give you a million dollars for it. Casting an unnecessary shadow over your motivations for the rest of the movie.

James Bond

Great our love story is going to be hard enough to establish as it is.

M

I’m taking you off the Blofeld case.

James Bond

But I’m the only one who’s ever managed to get close to him.

Money Penny

I’m sure you could find him in just two weeks if you put your mind to it.

James Bond

I could find him in just a day if I wanted to.

Money Penny

Suuure.

Louis Armstrong’s “We have all the time in the world” continues to play in scene after scene as the audience glare at their watches.

Money Penny

Bond you’re not Hugh Grant stop romancing and let me drive you to your objective.

Bond finds his elusive nemesis after looking up his name in some archives. He finally heads to the alps. Skiers in the audience cheer up immensely.

Blofeld

What the? Why are you wearing a kilt?

James Bond

I’m Scottish can’t you not tell from my splendid accent?

Blofeld

But your 2780 metres above sea level it is the dumbest place to wear a kilt. Go and get changed.

James Bond

Jolly good.

James Bond

As I’m in love with Tracy I’m going to sleep with one of these Angels of Death of death. Ooh hypnotic mood lighting.

Having such an exciting setting Bond decides to go curling. The one winter sport no one ever wants to see.

Blofeld

Now that I’ve seen through your feeble disguise let me describe my ingenious plan.

James Bond

That is awfully nice of you but not the wisest move. Are you really so insecure that you need to impress me with your plans.

Blofeld

How dare you insult my wisdom? Now let me lock you in this room which you will easily escape from.

Finally there is a ski chase, but Bond manages to lose one of his skis.

James Bond

Now I wish I was on a snowboard.

Henchman skiers

Did you hear that? Make sure his death is slow and painful. Uh oh a cliff ahhh!

James Bond

Dummies.

Tracy and Bond go car curling on an ice rink.

Tracy

James how do we get out?

James Bond

Try the exit?

Tracy

James you are clever.

James Bond

Could you save the adoring looks for when we’re not driving at high speed on ice?

They ski down from the resort… which is at the bottom of the mountain….

James Bond

We’re being chased again better put my goggles down.

Tracy

What are they bullet proof? Goggles are meant to be down all the time to protect from snow blindness.

James Bond

We’re just being filmed in the studio anyway. I hope technology improves in the future. What if I ever need to kite surf a wave onto an iceberg.

Tracy

It would probably look worse.

They get caught in a huge avalanche with tons of snow cascading down upon them Bond and Tracy are buried under just 5 cm.

Skiers in the audience

Why bother getting transceivers?

Director Peter R Hunt

Because this is Bond even if he was at the start of the avalanche he would have survived.

Blofeld

Seeing as Tracy survived Bond must have died.

Tracy

That doesn’t make sense.

Blofeld

Let’s go.

M

We have decided to solve this threat by doing nothing.

James Bond

It’s a good job I have a lot of holiday time built up. I feel like some more skiing.

M

OK have fun.

They attack the base and destroy a lot more furniture. Oh well we are in the land of IKEA.

Henchman

Ha-ha I have you now.

Tracy

Hmmm I really don’t like this wall decoration. I’ll knock it down with your head.

Henchman

Ow! You’re strong; they’ll probably just replace it anyway.

Draco

Come on we have to go.

Tracy

But what about James?

Draco

He’ll probably die in the explosion. I hope you’re over that depression.

Blofeld

Ha-ha and people thought I was mad putting a bobsleigh run in.

James Bond

Well I can drive anything. I can even shoot at the same time. Even if I did forget that during the car chase.

I think this series needs to branch off with its villains.

Blofeld

Quips really aren’t your thing are they? Argh!

James Bond

That must have killed him.

Audience

Shouldn’t you check? You have been chasing him for two years.

James Bond

But that would involve hiking back up.

James Bond

We’re married Mrs Bond. I’m so a happy a woman I love actually lives.

Blofeld

We can’t have that. *Bang*

James Bond

My wife is... This is the saddest Bond ending ever.

Audience

It gets worse for generations to come terrible skiers will attempt the Shilthorn run, thinking they are Bond and humming the theme song.

James Bond

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Captain America: The First Avenger: First Draft Parody Script

Parody script review of Captain America

Opens with some men searching the artic and finding a crashed craft. For one horrible moment the audience thinks they’ve walked into the Transformers movie.

Scientist

Oh wonderful it’s Captain America’s shield. Now the audience will spend the entire movie disappointed that they wont be seeing the World War 2 setting again.

Cut to  Norway 1942

Red Skull

I’ve come for Odin’s Tesseract.

Guard

You’re in the wrong movie. Odin was back in May.

Red Skull

No blonde and super strong  hero with his signature weapon is going to stop me then?

Guard

Well…

Cut to New York City where a puny Steve Rogers regards standing up to someone who talks in the cinema as a heroic act.

Bucky Barnes

How many times must I save you?

Steve Rogers

I’ll always be there to save you if you need me.

Bucky Barnes

You’d better be.

*****

Henry Stark

Check out my  revolutionary car technology.

Audience

Hmm what’s it going to be. It’s 1942. Is the movie going to claim he came up with abs? Airbags maybe?

The car starts to hover. Then crashes.

Audience

Eh? They were experimenting with flying cars in the 40s?

Henry Stark

That worked really well, even though it was brief. Of course I can’t see it being developed fully even if it's given 69 years.

*****

Steve Rogers

I want to be a soldier not just some person working in a factory. Not that I want to devalue the hundreds of thousands of people who weren’t on the front line ofcourse.

Bucky Barnes

Of course.

Dr Abraham Erskine

I can give you the oppourtunity to be the soldier you’ve dreamt off all your life.

Steve Rogers

You’re German?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Of course, all the best scientists are German. Just wait until the space race. 

Cut to the secret research lab which is guarded by one little old lady. But she does have a massive gun.

Dr Abraham Erskine

Have I told you this is dangerous? No? Well too late.

Steve Rogers

Keep going I can handle the pain.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Are you sure you don’t need to get some more serum you’re almost out of it?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Actually that’s all the serum I have.

Colonel Chester Phillips

What? You do at least have notes on how to produce more right? You couldn’t have worked all this out in your head?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Relax. What are the chances of me getting killed and the secret being lost?

Dr Bruce Banner

You inconsiderate fool. Have you any idea what happens to me when I try to reproduce this affect?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Yes well a good scientist never experiments on himself.

Dr Erskine is shot by an assassin so well chosen Erskine’s able to recognise him.

Steve Rogers

I’ll catch him.

Colonel Chester Phillips

But you can’t even move properly and he’s got the last vial of serum.

Steve Rogers

Don’t worry I won’t let it…

Vial of syrum

*Smash*

Steve Rogers

Oops.

Colonel Chester Phillips

For that you can spend the rest of the war as a recruitment mascot.

We get a montage of Captain America on a recruitment drive. A nice nod to the comics original  purpose. He eventually gets sent to Italy and discovers Bucky Barnes is missing.

Captain America

I’m going to rescue him. Alone! Well besides actually getting there, I need your help for that.

Peggy Carter

Ok but at least tell me you have some kind of a plan?

He doesn’t. Captain America runs around Red Skulls compound unnoticed. Something that would be slightly more believable if he wasn’t carrying a useless shield bearing the American flag on his back.

Captain America

I’m rescuing you by opening the jail doors. I’ll leave the rest to you though, I have a friend to find.

Jacques Dernier

Quoi? Monsieur we will be slaughtered you haven’t even given us any guns.

James Falsworth

Oh come now old chap. We can escape without further help from this Yank. These are after all movie Nazis not realistic Nazis.

They escape against the odds, which we see briefly. Then we have to watch a far less satisfying confrontation between Captain America and Red Skull who decides to run away and destroy the facility for no good reason.

*****

Colonel Chester Phillips

I sure was a fool not to use a soldier we’ve spent years trying to create. We’ll get you equipped for more heroics. You’ll also get a promotion to a real Captain which is a standard movie reward for disobeying orders.

Henry Stark

Wow look how small and powerful this energy source is. Imagine what we could do with it. I could use it to build a flying suit with hand pulse weapons, groovy coulours, inteligent…

Captain America

Sounds like a nice pipe dream but I’ll be happy with this.

Henry Stark

You don’t want that it’s the best metal in the world and that’s all we’ve got…. And we used it to make a shield?

Captain America

Don’t worry  I wont lose it.

Henry Stark

Ok then if you promise.

Captain America picks a small multicultural group to fight with him.

James Falsworth

I’m British and I’m depicted as a competent soldier? Bravo writers. Winning the war was the effort of an alliance. Let’s go and destroy the Nazis. Wait who are you?

Hydra

We’re Red Skull’s break away group of soldiers.

James Falsworth

What? Are you telling me that even killing Nazis has become taboo?

Hydra

I’m not sure… hey when did jumping onto a train become safer than breaking the track?

Captain America and Bucky Barnes get attacked by some slightly more gadgetised Hydra soldiers. Bucky is blasted out of the train but manages to hold on.

Captain America

Don’t let go and give me your hand.

Bucky Barnes

I can’t do both! Why do people always assume that someone holding on for dear life is capable of releasing a hand and reaching out?

Captain America

Just try it.

Bucky Barnes

Ahhh!

Captain America

Wow that was a surprisingly long death shot.

*****

Colonel Chester Phillips

I need information on Red Skulls base.

Armin Zola

Why now? You’ve already shown yourselves to have icredible intelligence on us.

Colonel Chester Phillips

I need something to do. I may be overused in this movie but I want more.

*****

Captain America

I can’t get drunk.

Peggy Carter

We thought it might be one of the side affects with your fast metabolism and super healing powers.

Captain

One of the side affects? What else didn’t you tell me? And why can’t I get drunk? Wolverine can.

Peggy Carter

We need you as an upright American citizen. You can take revenge instead I think that’s more patriotic.

Captain America

I don’t seek revenge, I seek justice.

Peggy Carter

Well that can work too in this time period. In the future you might find things a little more complicated.

Cut to the out skirts of Red Skulls base.

Captain America

I’m riding a motorcycle which shows that I’m cool despite my outfit.

Red Skull

Not as cool as my soldiers and weapons.

Captain America

Yes I’ve been meaning to ask you what’s the idea with them? Is that tank really even practical, it makes such a big target for an air assault, it can't move very fast. As for the soldiers did you mistake Star Wars Storm Troopers for Nazi Storm Troopers.

Red Skull

I’m evil no logic is needed, I just try to go for style. Now I’m going to shoot you… slooowly….

Dum Dum Dugan

Don’t worry we’ve arrived to rescue you. We sure got in a lot easier than you did, it’s amazing what you can do with a zip wire.

Captain America

Thank you my band of brothers. I want to stick with you but it’s my duty as the title character to have a confrontation with the villain alone.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Need a ride.

Captain America

Yes I need to get onto that massive plane. Unless our attack on this base has air support?

Colonel Chester Phillips

I’m afraid not. Now go. Go!

Peggy Carter

Just one quick kiss I can’t be the movies romantic interest without at least one kiss.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Ahhh! Phew that was close. That one kiss with Captain America almost got us killed. What were you thinking?

Peggy Carter

Give me a break it’s all I’m going to get and clearly worth putting the world in danger for.

*****

Red Skull

Oh no there’s nowhere to run *cough* I mean you are doomed Captain America.

Captain America

You know if you hadn’t of broken away from Hitler you probably would have had enough troops to defend your base.

Red Skull

I don’t need them when I have this cool blue cube. Look at the colours they’re so pretty. Wait I’m being beamed up noooo!

Captain America

Weird but he must be dead. And I’m dead too. I can’t let these bombs reach America. I’ll crash into the artic.

Peggy Carter

No! Land the plane we’ll difuse them.

Captain America

I can’t I don’t have any flying skills.

Peggy Carter

What about that aerial battle 5 minutes ago.

Director Joe Johnson

Just go with it please we’re trying to get the Avenger characters together.

Cut to many years later.

Captain America

I’m in the future?

Nick Fury

It’s gets worse I’m here to pointlessly show your recruitment.

Captain America

Wouldn’t it be more fitting if Tony Stark did that? To give the end some kind of human connection instead of this weirdness. All I can think about is my lost dance. Do couples still go dancing in the 21^st century?

Fin

 

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