Snowman Dog

Because everyone likes a cute dog picture

Funny Insults Which Should Make Them Laugh #3

When my friend had her hair cut short she wasn't pleased with the result. She was going away to Australia for a year to study. Where she wanted to concentrate on studies and not date anyone. The conversation went something like this.

Friend
My hair looks awful.

Me
It look good. Really.

Friend
No it doesn't.

Me 
You look beautiful.

Friend
I look terrible.

Me
Look. You still look beautiful but you said you didn't want to date in Australia and I think the short hair will attract less guys because you stand out less. So it's a good thing.

She laughed... kind of. And forgave me eventually.

Funny Insults Which Should Make Them Laugh #2

This is an example of an joke insult I've said to a friend. If you use this be careful that you choose the right moment so they are not offended. They have to know you pretty well. Make sure they know at the end that you're joking, but if you can say it with a straight face it can also make it funnier.

Say
"You're personality is like a blank page... I mean an open book."

.

Funny Insults Which Should Make Them Laugh #1

This is an example of an joke insult I've said to a friend. If you use this be careful that you choose the right moment so they are not offended. They have to know you pretty well. Make sure they know at the end that you're joking, but if you can say it with a straight face it can also make it funnier.

You

"Has anyone told you that you're looking beautiful today?"

Friend

"No"

You

"Oh well better luck tommorow then"

My friend really fell for the first line, thinking that I'd given her a nice compliment. She still finds it funny.

A Fun Tree Run Ends In A Crash

Funny Skier Crash Into Powder

Funny Snowboard Video: Crash then Roll then Continue Riding

 

The conditions were a little unpredictable. I did get back on to my feet though...

Star Trek Tng Encounter At Far Point: First Draft Parody Script

Image source wikipedia

Opens with a zoom in on an Enterprise window. After years of being off the Television the first thing the new Star Trek series shows us is a bald man.

Captain Picard

I'm still cool though.

Audience

Whoa that voice is cool.

Gene Roddenberry

Star Trek will never resort to needing a star studded young cast.

 *****

Q

Ha ha mere mortals, fear me!

Captain Picard

Hi.

Q

Hi?

Captain Picard

All powerful aliens with delusions of god hood are already a Star Trek cliché. I guess you're going to judge us now?

Q

You will quake in your mini skirts! Wait a minute why are men wearing mini skirts?

Captain Picard

This is the 24th century.

Q

And this is meant to be an optimistic view of the future?

They go to trial after some expensive but surprisingly boring special effects.

Tasha Yar

Being a strong confident woman and the equal to any man I will now burst into tears.

Captain Picard

It's OK, I just surrendered.

Tasha Yar

That is pathetic.

 *****

Q

To allow these two awkward story lines to loosely fit together I'm going to disappear for a while. I will be watching though, honest.

Cut to the edge of known space.

Will Riker

If being on the edge of known space is such a big deal, how can we get here weeks before the Enterprise?

Dr Crusher

I believe Picard wanted to avoid my son for as long as possible. I'm not even sure they'll stop here.

Captain Picard

Welcome aboard number one.

Riker

Which poor person gets called number two?

Captain Picard

The name suits her function.

Troi

Hello Will.

Riker

Great now I have to put up with unresolved emotions for seven years.

 *****

Captain Picard

You've already turned down one captaincy, why would you do the same for the next seven years?

Riker

I'm actually a coward, but compensate with my arrogance.

Captain Picard

Great.

 *****

Wesley

Hi I haven't annoyed anyone for 5.236 minutes.

Captain Picard

Hopefully you'll leave when your mother's contract ends in 12 months.

 *****

Riker

You lost the saucer section?

Captain Picard

Yes. If O'Brien carries on like this he'll lose his officer commission.

Riker

Whoa so you're giving me the keys to the star drive. Dude that's totally sweet.

Captain Picard

Scratch it and your dead!

 *****

Search Amazon.com for star trek tng   se

Dr McCoy

Now new Spock, remember to take care of your ship.

Dr Crusher

Why do you get to meet Bones? I want to meet Bones.

Data

I could go  to sickbay and arrange an autopsy.

Dr Crusher

Sigh... You get to hang out with Spock. La forge gets to hang out with Scotty, Picard gets Kirk. Why don't I get the Doctor?

Dr McCoy

That would be far too logical for my liking.

 *****

Worf

I can't believe this is just the first half, I feel dishonoured by the lack of excitement.

Audience

I'm sure the second half will be more interesting.

Worf

Ha!

 *****

Captain Picard

Hello Zorn.

Zorn

Don't say that.

Captain Picard

What your name?

Zorn

It sounds like an insult.

Captain Picard

Are you trying to hide something?

Zorn

Just my middle name.

 *****

Riker

You stimulate your simulated mind in a simulation? Fascinating.

Data

Please don't take my lines. The holodeck is indeed fascinating... well for a season or two at least.

Audience

We should be snoozing by now but this being Star Trek we're incredibly patient.

 *****

Troi

I sense pain.

Captain Picard

Pain? That must mean a life form.

Data

(Whispers) Sir we still have 30 minutes of the episode left.

Captain Picard

Oh. Well then this is a puzzle, better keep investigating.

Worf

Sir, an alien ship has arrived and is attacking the planet. Let me at them, let me at them!

Captain Picard

OK ready phasers.

Audience

At last some excitement.

Q

We can't have that. This series is about long boring monologues, on the wonders of life and how peaceful humanity is whilst at the same time being the most military competent people in the Galaxy.

Captain Picard

Fine we'll go for a sickly sweet and unsatisfying ending. Send  the city some energy so that it can turn back into a creature.

Worf

Phasers and photon torpedoes deliver a type of energy.

Captain Picard

No we want to send them the non harmful stuff, even if we know nothing about their biology. Just send some good vibes.

Worf

Sigh I'm not going to like this ship.

 *****

Riker

Now that we're all finally introduced I hope we can finish with this messy, drawn out storytelling.

Captain Picard

I'm sure our future missions will be far more interesting.

Audience

We certainly hope so.

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

I Am the Greatest - Performance Poem

Tongue in cheek poem designed for performance

I am the greatest
I am the man
I have spectators stood in the stands
Waving their banners
Raising a cheer
If just but a whisper of my name enters their ear

I am a champion
At all of my sports
Many a contestant has had to abort
A challenge they’ve made on my legacy
Ha ha he he
They can’t get the better of the one that is me

I'm a success
And always impress
Any challenger I will soon turn into a mess
I shall send shivers along each of their bones
As I crush them at paper scissor and stone

Yes
I’m the best
No one else can contest
Its so easy I often simply just jest
Try to face me and you will soon come to know
That I am the Sherlock of cluedo




Elementary it is
The wonder that's I
yet brave fools are still trying to strive
with pure arrogance that makes them so blind
To the truth that I'm best at making 4 in a line

I know some people think it's just 4 in a row
But on their inadequacy I will soon strike a blow
For if there is anything that will make my face glow
It's wiping the floor on hungry hippos

For I have the talent
I have the skill
I get the points
Whilst others get nil
attack my status and I will show you
That I am the conqueror of guess who

And I certainly would never ever cheat
If anyone else tried to
They still would get beat
And as I expose their scum filled treachery
I will feel an extra dose of glee

So there it is
A bit of a life
living and winning to keep things all right
There's much more to fill to accomplish the best
Far more searching to do to fill in the rest.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.