The wrong place to Ski

I found this amusing watching it out of my apartment video. However people ski on the pavement or road far too often causing major damage to the skis. Not only will ski shops will charge for such damage, it is also anillegal and dangerous thing to do.

Can You Look Cool In A Ski Onesie?

Are they coming back into fashion? Or are they just for novelty and a laugh?

A Fun Tree Run Ends In A Crash

Snowboard And Ski Insurance: Remember To Check The Small Print

Snow sports offer a thrill that few other activities match. Accessible to all ages it is a unique experience but also carries a unique risk. Getting the right travel insurance for a trip was once a quick 10 minute search online. But over the years insurance companies have changed their policies making it more difficult for people to find the correct level of cover. Here are some areas of your policy to consider carefully.

When the insurance policy starts
Firstly if you’ve already left your country of residence a policy might cover you. This may be because insurance companies are worried that you are only taking it out when you need to claim. But it’s awkward for long term travellers who may decide to go snowboarding at the last minute as they travel from country to country. Or for those whose plans are last minute. There are companies who will cover you if you’ve already left the country but it requires a bit of searching.

The date you return
Unless you are able to prove you had a return ticket a lot of insurance policies wont cover the costs of repatriation. This means that if you need to get flown home for medical reasons or in the unfortunate event of death, there will be a hefty bill for you or your family. This can be difficult if you’re not sure of your travel plans and when you’re coming back. However an open return ticket can often cover you, just check with the insurance provider.

Value per item
Check the value of what your insurance will pay out for because basic cover might not pay the full value of ski equipment. Even if your skis aren’t high end you may still find yourself unreasonably short, especially after excess.

Off Piste
This is the biggest area of difference with ski insurance policies. It used to be a case where most brokers covered you off piste if you followed local guidelines and the avalanche risk level was 3 or less. These policies have become rarer with many policies insisting that you go with a qualified local guide.
This isn’t always practical or necessary as an insurance provider should know. So make sure you go with a company that covers the type of skiing or boarding you want to do on a trip. There have been cases where people were in an avalanche and the insurance hasn’t paid out because they blamed the skiers despite the fact they followed local guidelines and took precautions. So don’t be in a rush to take the first policy you see. There’s rarely any different in cost, so you can still get good value with a policy, whether they insist you ski with a guide or not.

Take your time and research the policy and insurance provider. There are a lot of companies saying they specialise in ski and snowboard insurance yet they clearly don’t understand the sport.  They can place the blame on a skier without even investigating the incident properly. If you are in any doubt about the policy details phone your insurance provider. It’s always best to go with a company which knows what it is doing and can ensure your needs are provided for.

Funny Snowboard Video: Crash then Roll then Continue Riding

 

The conditions were a little unpredictable. I did get back on to my feet though...

Snowboarding Tips: How To Still Push Yourself When Riding With Slower Friends

If your the fastest in your group you can still challenge yourself

Whether we are out for a whole season or just one week a year, snowboarding is a sport we like to enjoy with our friends. However one of the big problems to overcome is always the broad range of abilities within the group. Some may cautiously glance  at a blue run whilst others are speeding down the blacks and cruising off piste. Snowboarding has a big advantage over skiing as you don’t have to be an advanced rider to mix up your style on the easy slopes .There are loads of simple tricks to  learn even if you’re an intermediate rider. These will slow your ride down yet keep it fun and exhilarating. Why wait around? Get the most out of each run.

Jibbing
Twists, butters, ollies, nollies, 180s, these all add some fun variety to the ride and a gentle slope is a perfect place to practice. As your friends learn to link turns you can learn new tricks leaving everyone stoked with the progression achieved at the end of the day.

Film your friends
Filming someone whilst you are both moving is a challenge for any rider. Not only do you have to ride smoothly, you also have to keep your friends in shot. Looking back over the footage will help a beginner see where they need to improve. It also improves the camera mans riding as they have to be very precise with each movement and understand the terrain through feel as well as sight. Seeing yourself ride is a joy and it will be greatly encouraging to beginners.
Find some tips on filming in my Article

Snowball fight
A running snow fight with other advanced friends will slow you down and will be a good laugh at the same time. Just keep an eye out for other slope users.

Practice Switch
Switch riding is a crucial skill to learn for anyone wanting to progress with tricks and this is the perfect time to learn. It will take you back to the basics and can help you to explain the techniques to friends who are learning. One of the hardest things to do is stick with riding switch when you know you can ride so much better regularly. But if you are with slower friends then there is plenty of time to practice. It’s extremely satisfying when you can start carving down runs riding switch.
If you can learn and improve along with the beginners then each run will be satisfying and fun. When you want to push yourself there are still plenty of opportunities to go and do your own thing.



 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

James Bond On Her Majesty's Secret Service: First Draft Parody Script

I watched this again after a snowboard holiday to Lauterbrunan where a lot of it was set. I think Lazenby made a different but good Bond and that it's a good movie. I always like a good ski chase.

Opens with a pointless scene of Q describing some tech. But everyone likes Q so it’s ok anyway.

James Bond

I’m George Lazenby every bit as good as Sean Connery please like me.

Audience

Boo.

James Bond

Come on give me a chance.

Audience

A small chance maybe. But we will scrutinise every breath you take.

James Bond

I might as well kill myself in the sea like that pretty girl… Wait a pretty girl? Things are looking up.

Bond rescues Tracy who has passed out after a minute of paddling. Tracy runs as Bond is attacked by two inept henchmen.

James Bond

Would it help now if I broke the fourth wall and referenced my predecessor?

Audience

No that’s the worst thing you could do.

James Bond

Oops too late.

Tracy

Bond James Bond we meet again.

James Bond

It’s just James Bond. You don’t have to say Bond at the beginning.

Tracy

But you always say…

James Bond

I know what I say; it is a difficult habit to break.

Tracy

Ok… Shall we start falling in love then?

Henchman

Seeing as my boss wants to encourage this romance I’d better interrupt them.

Bond fights the henchman destroying a lot of furniture in the process.

James Bond

I will not kill you or even question your intent. I’m sure leaving loose ends won’t cause me any trouble in the future.

Henchman & Friends

Come with us.

James Bond

Drat.

Draco

I got my men to kidnap you to show how cool and dangerous I am.

James Bond

But I could have killed them. If you want to be a cool Bond character try shaving your moustache.

Draco

I like you and even though you’ll be a danger to her I want you to marry Tracy. I’ll even give you a million dollars for it. Casting an unnecessary shadow over your motivations for the rest of the movie.

James Bond

Great our love story is going to be hard enough to establish as it is.

M

I’m taking you off the Blofeld case.

James Bond

But I’m the only one who’s ever managed to get close to him.

Money Penny

I’m sure you could find him in just two weeks if you put your mind to it.

James Bond

I could find him in just a day if I wanted to.

Money Penny

Suuure.

Louis Armstrong’s “We have all the time in the world” continues to play in scene after scene as the audience glare at their watches.

Money Penny

Bond you’re not Hugh Grant stop romancing and let me drive you to your objective.

Bond finds his elusive nemesis after looking up his name in some archives. He finally heads to the alps. Skiers in the audience cheer up immensely.

Blofeld

What the? Why are you wearing a kilt?

James Bond

I’m Scottish can’t you not tell from my splendid accent?

Blofeld

But your 2780 metres above sea level it is the dumbest place to wear a kilt. Go and get changed.

James Bond

Jolly good.

James Bond

As I’m in love with Tracy I’m going to sleep with one of these Angels of Death of death. Ooh hypnotic mood lighting.

Having such an exciting setting Bond decides to go curling. The one winter sport no one ever wants to see.

Blofeld

Now that I’ve seen through your feeble disguise let me describe my ingenious plan.

James Bond

That is awfully nice of you but not the wisest move. Are you really so insecure that you need to impress me with your plans.

Blofeld

How dare you insult my wisdom? Now let me lock you in this room which you will easily escape from.

Finally there is a ski chase, but Bond manages to lose one of his skis.

James Bond

Now I wish I was on a snowboard.

Henchman skiers

Did you hear that? Make sure his death is slow and painful. Uh oh a cliff ahhh!

James Bond

Dummies.

Tracy and Bond go car curling on an ice rink.

Tracy

James how do we get out?

James Bond

Try the exit?

Tracy

James you are clever.

James Bond

Could you save the adoring looks for when we’re not driving at high speed on ice?

They ski down from the resort… which is at the bottom of the mountain….

James Bond

We’re being chased again better put my goggles down.

Tracy

What are they bullet proof? Goggles are meant to be down all the time to protect from snow blindness.

James Bond

We’re just being filmed in the studio anyway. I hope technology improves in the future. What if I ever need to kite surf a wave onto an iceberg.

Tracy

It would probably look worse.

They get caught in a huge avalanche with tons of snow cascading down upon them Bond and Tracy are buried under just 5 cm.

Skiers in the audience

Why bother getting transceivers?

Director Peter R Hunt

Because this is Bond even if he was at the start of the avalanche he would have survived.

Blofeld

Seeing as Tracy survived Bond must have died.

Tracy

That doesn’t make sense.

Blofeld

Let’s go.

M

We have decided to solve this threat by doing nothing.

James Bond

It’s a good job I have a lot of holiday time built up. I feel like some more skiing.

M

OK have fun.

They attack the base and destroy a lot more furniture. Oh well we are in the land of IKEA.

Henchman

Ha-ha I have you now.

Tracy

Hmmm I really don’t like this wall decoration. I’ll knock it down with your head.

Henchman

Ow! You’re strong; they’ll probably just replace it anyway.

Draco

Come on we have to go.

Tracy

But what about James?

Draco

He’ll probably die in the explosion. I hope you’re over that depression.

Blofeld

Ha-ha and people thought I was mad putting a bobsleigh run in.

James Bond

Well I can drive anything. I can even shoot at the same time. Even if I did forget that during the car chase.

I think this series needs to branch off with its villains.

Blofeld

Quips really aren’t your thing are they? Argh!

James Bond

That must have killed him.

Audience

Shouldn’t you check? You have been chasing him for two years.

James Bond

But that would involve hiking back up.

James Bond

We’re married Mrs Bond. I’m so a happy a woman I love actually lives.

Blofeld

We can’t have that. *Bang*

James Bond

My wife is... This is the saddest Bond ending ever.

Audience

It gets worse for generations to come terrible skiers will attempt the Shilthorn run, thinking they are Bond and humming the theme song.

James Bond

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Extreme: A Performance Poem

A poem designed to be performed as a bit of fun

Extreme
Extreme on the mountains
Extreme on the sea
Extreme on the concrete
Extreme in the breeze

Extreme speed down the mountains
Extreme snowboarders go
Extreme through rocks
Extreme carving through snow
Extreme avoidance of learners
Extreme to the trees!

Extreme being tumbled
Extreme waves of great height
Extreme freezing salt water
Extreme ride and dive
Extreme pulling of currents
Extreme something’s not right

Extreme on the road
Extreme hitting of steel
Extreme in tight places
Extreme out in the fields
Extreme dodging and jiving
Extreme adrenalin striving

Extreme flying frail kites
Extreme skidding side to side
Extreme swooping
Extreme turning
Extreme getting lots of air
Extreme landing with great care

Extreme burgers
Extreme pies
Extreme styling
Extreme clothing
Extreme lies
Extreme realise
Extreme limits

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.