Doctor Who: Let's Kill Hitler: First Draft Parody Script

Another great episode of Dr Who reviewed as a parody

Opens with a mini racing through a field to make crop circles.

Amy

See we are still a British show.

Mels comes racing in driving a Corvette. A Corvette which gets a nice shot parked next to the Tardis instead of the Mini.

Amy

Blast! Never mind.

Mels

You’ve got to get me out of here.

Doctor

But I’ve only just arrived.

Mels

You don’t want to stick around here Doctor. There is some nonsense going on where no ones dying. If you get this miracle sorted out in a day Torchwood will get bored.

A long time ago in Berlin.

Teselecta Nazi Officer

Time to suffer for your crimes Hitler.

The Tardis crashes into the side of the Reichstag with the worse sense of timing it has ever displayed.

Doctor

You shot my Tardis! Isn’t there an easier way of testing my “temporal grace”

Classic Who Fans

What?

Doctor

Allo Allo Allo, sorry for wrecking your office we had un petite problème.

Hitler

You saved my life.

Doctor, Amy Rory

Non!

Hitler

And you’re French?

Doctor

No, no. We’re British and proud.

Hitler

The British clearly have fearsome technology, I wont dare to attack you. I will shoot the man who tried to kill me though.

Rory punches Hitler in a fantastic character moment.

Rory

That was even better than Captain America.

Doctor

Hmm that could really change history. We’d best hide Hitler in the cupboard and hope he forgets this.

Rory

And I thought the title would lead to some moral dilemmas.

Mel

No time for that this episode is about me.

Mels dramatically regenerates into River Song. We wonder why time lords often regerate into new bodies which are actually past their physical prime.

Audience

So the Doctor could regenerate into a black man? That opens up some possibilities.

Amy

Mels you’re our Daughter? I’m too confused to show relief.

Mels

See Mum, you and Dad you did get to raise me. You even named your daughter after me.

Amy

Couldn’t the flashbacks have shown us having a close friendship? I named my daughter after my delinquent friend who caused me nothing but trouble. And you still turned into a psychopath. What kind of a mother am I?

Teselecta Opereative

That judgement can wait till later. Taking care of River Song will be an even greater achievement than punishing Hitler.

Teselecta Commander

River Song’s worse than Hitler? That sure is a bold statement.

Teselecta Opereative

Yes but we can’t do it here we need to go to The Library at the end of her life.

Teselecta Commander

No we’ll continue with the dramatic course of action we’ll chase her through Berlin.

River Song races through Berlin punishing some Nazis by forcing them out onto the street almost  naked. Amy and Rory try to follow but are miniaturised and taken into the Teselecta.

Rory

Miniaturisation? Oh no, Please no small jokes.

Teselecta Opereative

Quick put these wrist bands on they’ll protect you from the Teselecta antibodies.

Rory

What they don’t have a more intelligent way of recognising staff? That could be dangerous for you.

Doctor

Tardis I want a voice interface. Well a voice interface which comes with an image to be more specific.

An image of Rose appears.

Audience

Oh please not again.

The voice interface eventually changes to a young Amelia Pond.

Young Amy Pond

No one in the entire universe and at no point in history has ever come up with a cure for that poison.

Doctor

Typical thank you so much for that help.

Meanwhile back at the restaurant.

River Song

Hi mum, is it time for the mother daughter scene that everyone’s been waiting for since A Good Man Goes To War?

Telecta Amy

You killed the Doctor. Suffer!

Doctor

Killed Doctor Who?

Rory

Ok maybe a small joke would have been better.

Doctor

So Teselecta, got any useful exposition for me.

Teselecta Commander

The Silence is an organisation and not just one species.

Doctor

Oh good I don’t have to worry about forgetting those aliens name then. But I will have to update my blog.

Amy and Rory

Doctor!

Doctor

What? You’ve got the sonic screw driver. You can stop them from torturing your daughter.

They do so in the usual dangerous way. River then saves them from the antibodies, learning to pilot the Tardis with a speed the Doctor can only envy.

River Song

You’re a caring man, this has suddenly reversed all that brainwashing I had. Even all of Amy’s good stories about you didn’t do that.

Rory

Oh no the Doctor’s dead! Can any of us make it through an episode without that happening?

River Song

Don’t worry I’ll use my remaining regenerations to save him.

Doctor

I’m touched. Does that mean I get extra regenerations or just come back to life?

Writer Steven Moffat

Oh I think that question can wait.

Amy

So after all the longing to be with our daughter again, we’re just going to leave her?

Doctor

There comes a time when we all have to let our children go. Especially when they’re 48.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Captain America: The First Avenger: First Draft Parody Script

Parody script review of Captain America

Opens with some men searching the artic and finding a crashed craft. For one horrible moment the audience thinks they’ve walked into the Transformers movie.

Scientist

Oh wonderful it’s Captain America’s shield. Now the audience will spend the entire movie disappointed that they wont be seeing the World War 2 setting again.

Cut to  Norway 1942

Red Skull

I’ve come for Odin’s Tesseract.

Guard

You’re in the wrong movie. Odin was back in May.

Red Skull

No blonde and super strong  hero with his signature weapon is going to stop me then?

Guard

Well…

Cut to New York City where a puny Steve Rogers regards standing up to someone who talks in the cinema as a heroic act.

Bucky Barnes

How many times must I save you?

Steve Rogers

I’ll always be there to save you if you need me.

Bucky Barnes

You’d better be.

*****

Henry Stark

Check out my  revolutionary car technology.

Audience

Hmm what’s it going to be. It’s 1942. Is the movie going to claim he came up with abs? Airbags maybe?

The car starts to hover. Then crashes.

Audience

Eh? They were experimenting with flying cars in the 40s?

Henry Stark

That worked really well, even though it was brief. Of course I can’t see it being developed fully even if it's given 69 years.

*****

Steve Rogers

I want to be a soldier not just some person working in a factory. Not that I want to devalue the hundreds of thousands of people who weren’t on the front line ofcourse.

Bucky Barnes

Of course.

Dr Abraham Erskine

I can give you the oppourtunity to be the soldier you’ve dreamt off all your life.

Steve Rogers

You’re German?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Of course, all the best scientists are German. Just wait until the space race. 

Cut to the secret research lab which is guarded by one little old lady. But she does have a massive gun.

Dr Abraham Erskine

Have I told you this is dangerous? No? Well too late.

Steve Rogers

Keep going I can handle the pain.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Are you sure you don’t need to get some more serum you’re almost out of it?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Actually that’s all the serum I have.

Colonel Chester Phillips

What? You do at least have notes on how to produce more right? You couldn’t have worked all this out in your head?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Relax. What are the chances of me getting killed and the secret being lost?

Dr Bruce Banner

You inconsiderate fool. Have you any idea what happens to me when I try to reproduce this affect?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Yes well a good scientist never experiments on himself.

Dr Erskine is shot by an assassin so well chosen Erskine’s able to recognise him.

Steve Rogers

I’ll catch him.

Colonel Chester Phillips

But you can’t even move properly and he’s got the last vial of serum.

Steve Rogers

Don’t worry I won’t let it…

Vial of syrum

*Smash*

Steve Rogers

Oops.

Colonel Chester Phillips

For that you can spend the rest of the war as a recruitment mascot.

We get a montage of Captain America on a recruitment drive. A nice nod to the comics original  purpose. He eventually gets sent to Italy and discovers Bucky Barnes is missing.

Captain America

I’m going to rescue him. Alone! Well besides actually getting there, I need your help for that.

Peggy Carter

Ok but at least tell me you have some kind of a plan?

He doesn’t. Captain America runs around Red Skulls compound unnoticed. Something that would be slightly more believable if he wasn’t carrying a useless shield bearing the American flag on his back.

Captain America

I’m rescuing you by opening the jail doors. I’ll leave the rest to you though, I have a friend to find.

Jacques Dernier

Quoi? Monsieur we will be slaughtered you haven’t even given us any guns.

James Falsworth

Oh come now old chap. We can escape without further help from this Yank. These are after all movie Nazis not realistic Nazis.

They escape against the odds, which we see briefly. Then we have to watch a far less satisfying confrontation between Captain America and Red Skull who decides to run away and destroy the facility for no good reason.

*****

Colonel Chester Phillips

I sure was a fool not to use a soldier we’ve spent years trying to create. We’ll get you equipped for more heroics. You’ll also get a promotion to a real Captain which is a standard movie reward for disobeying orders.

Henry Stark

Wow look how small and powerful this energy source is. Imagine what we could do with it. I could use it to build a flying suit with hand pulse weapons, groovy coulours, inteligent…

Captain America

Sounds like a nice pipe dream but I’ll be happy with this.

Henry Stark

You don’t want that it’s the best metal in the world and that’s all we’ve got…. And we used it to make a shield?

Captain America

Don’t worry  I wont lose it.

Henry Stark

Ok then if you promise.

Captain America picks a small multicultural group to fight with him.

James Falsworth

I’m British and I’m depicted as a competent soldier? Bravo writers. Winning the war was the effort of an alliance. Let’s go and destroy the Nazis. Wait who are you?

Hydra

We’re Red Skull’s break away group of soldiers.

James Falsworth

What? Are you telling me that even killing Nazis has become taboo?

Hydra

I’m not sure… hey when did jumping onto a train become safer than breaking the track?

Captain America and Bucky Barnes get attacked by some slightly more gadgetised Hydra soldiers. Bucky is blasted out of the train but manages to hold on.

Captain America

Don’t let go and give me your hand.

Bucky Barnes

I can’t do both! Why do people always assume that someone holding on for dear life is capable of releasing a hand and reaching out?

Captain America

Just try it.

Bucky Barnes

Ahhh!

Captain America

Wow that was a surprisingly long death shot.

*****

Colonel Chester Phillips

I need information on Red Skulls base.

Armin Zola

Why now? You’ve already shown yourselves to have icredible intelligence on us.

Colonel Chester Phillips

I need something to do. I may be overused in this movie but I want more.

*****

Captain America

I can’t get drunk.

Peggy Carter

We thought it might be one of the side affects with your fast metabolism and super healing powers.

Captain

One of the side affects? What else didn’t you tell me? And why can’t I get drunk? Wolverine can.

Peggy Carter

We need you as an upright American citizen. You can take revenge instead I think that’s more patriotic.

Captain America

I don’t seek revenge, I seek justice.

Peggy Carter

Well that can work too in this time period. In the future you might find things a little more complicated.

Cut to the out skirts of Red Skulls base.

Captain America

I’m riding a motorcycle which shows that I’m cool despite my outfit.

Red Skull

Not as cool as my soldiers and weapons.

Captain America

Yes I’ve been meaning to ask you what’s the idea with them? Is that tank really even practical, it makes such a big target for an air assault, it can't move very fast. As for the soldiers did you mistake Star Wars Storm Troopers for Nazi Storm Troopers.

Red Skull

I’m evil no logic is needed, I just try to go for style. Now I’m going to shoot you… slooowly….

Dum Dum Dugan

Don’t worry we’ve arrived to rescue you. We sure got in a lot easier than you did, it’s amazing what you can do with a zip wire.

Captain America

Thank you my band of brothers. I want to stick with you but it’s my duty as the title character to have a confrontation with the villain alone.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Need a ride.

Captain America

Yes I need to get onto that massive plane. Unless our attack on this base has air support?

Colonel Chester Phillips

I’m afraid not. Now go. Go!

Peggy Carter

Just one quick kiss I can’t be the movies romantic interest without at least one kiss.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Ahhh! Phew that was close. That one kiss with Captain America almost got us killed. What were you thinking?

Peggy Carter

Give me a break it’s all I’m going to get and clearly worth putting the world in danger for.

*****

Red Skull

Oh no there’s nowhere to run *cough* I mean you are doomed Captain America.

Captain America

You know if you hadn’t of broken away from Hitler you probably would have had enough troops to defend your base.

Red Skull

I don’t need them when I have this cool blue cube. Look at the colours they’re so pretty. Wait I’m being beamed up noooo!

Captain America

Weird but he must be dead. And I’m dead too. I can’t let these bombs reach America. I’ll crash into the artic.

Peggy Carter

No! Land the plane we’ll difuse them.

Captain America

I can’t I don’t have any flying skills.

Peggy Carter

What about that aerial battle 5 minutes ago.

Director Joe Johnson

Just go with it please we’re trying to get the Avenger characters together.

Cut to many years later.

Captain America

I’m in the future?

Nick Fury

It’s gets worse I’m here to pointlessly show your recruitment.

Captain America

Wouldn’t it be more fitting if Tony Stark did that? To give the end some kind of human connection instead of this weirdness. All I can think about is my lost dance. Do couples still go dancing in the 21^st century?

Fin

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.