Some of the crazy claims manufacturers have made over the years.
Deciding on a new snowboard is not easy. With so many a
snowboard manufacturer describing themselves as the forerunner of snowboard
technology and style. Excellent! You think now all you have to do is decide
how much you can justify spending. Whilst you think about this you may as well
look at the other snowboard manufacturing losers. Wait a minute! The first line
you see on their page is “From our early pioneering days we have pushed snowboarding
to ever greater levels.”
Eh? All advertisers have a certain artistic licence with
there claims but no one can match a snowboard company in there claims at
being the best.
Firstly I’ll mention the more down to earth and modest
sites.
Palmer
Santa Cruz
Forum
Never Summer
Ride
Rome
Atomic
These are some actual claims from the least modest websites.
K2
Podium
“The best board for
the buck anywhere, the Podium is best in class combining superb technology and
all terrain performance and versatility for any rider.”
Libtech
Swirl Sintered UHMW Base
A long name for a base which is described as “Slippery like
banana” Great tech info guys.
Burton
By far the worst offender, but the company has come a long way since the days when they tried to patent the snowboard.
Vapour
Setting a standard that the competition can’t even fathom.
Setting a standard that the competition can’t even fathom.
Ok…
Custom
From jumpers to jibbers, pow slashers to cruisers—this is
without a doubt one board that everyone will have a blast on.
Except those who’ve been on the Vapour we assume.
Joystick
“three-stage rocker designs don’t get more turbo-charged
than this”
Supermodel
“The Channel is snowboarding’s most direct
connection—focusing power through a central connection spine that evenly
distributes energy for added rebound and snap.”
Mayhem
Slow down. Just because the Mayhem™ is capable of supersonic
speeds doesn’t mean you have to go that fast.
Faster than the Vapour and cheaper, brilliant. May as well
go for the cheapest as they are all described as the best board.
Then there are statements which are just bizarre.
Balancing warp speed
edge control and drive with force field stability on takes-offs and landings,
(Burton website)
Those Trekkies wont be able to buy the board without some
technobabble.
We even put the Deuce
through our Infinite Ride™ factory break-in for perfect pop that lasts longer
than you will.
So they’re saying the board will outlive me? When I’m
snowboarding I really don’t want to think about my life expectancy.
Slow down. Just because
the Mayhem™ is capable of supersonic speeds doesn’t mean you have to go that
fast.
Don’t insult our intelligence.
To cut through the crud of snowboard boasts the best thing
to do is talk to some experienced riders. There are a lot of good forums and a
good shop should be able to help you. You can also look out for snowboard
reviews but beware of reviews giving by snowboard pros who ride for that
company.
