A parody review of The Dark Knight. This one highlights more of the positive aspects as it's one of my favourite movies.
Opens with aerial shots of Gotham city. Which for once looks like a real place rather than a city designed by a manic depressive.
Foolish Goon
Wow robbing banks sure is easy. Large bank, one guard, perfect.
Heavily armed bank manager
Ha-ha you forgot me.
Foolish Goon
Whoa you’re really heavily armed.
Heavily armed bank manager
I heard there was a recession coming so I thought I’d better be prepared.
Joker
Well no one could be prepared for me,8 even after months and months of viral marketing.
Bus driver
Where are the other guys?
Joker
I gave them all the “you are my number one” speech, it blinded them to the fact they were killing each other.
Bus driver
Wait you can’t kill me I drove a bus through a bank wall with out putting a scratch on it. That must make me special?
Joker
Sorry but you’ve already had too many lines to be one of my goons in this movie.
*****
Ramirez
Waiting for Batman again? Aren’t you worried this will damage your credibility as a police officer?
Lieutenant Gordon
I’m hoping he won’t turn up.
Ramirez
Be careful he might start seeing you as the boy who cried wolf.
****
Scarecrow
I’m back.
Audience
Wow scarecrow, hopefully it’s not a pointless cameo.
Scare crow
Nothing pointless about it. I help by delivering one of the funniest lines of 2008.
Batman
I don’t need help with funny lines.
Scare crow
Not in my diagnosis.
Batman Fakes
We think you need help as well. You let half of the criminals get away. This car park can’t have more than 2 or 3 exits. Couldn’t you have spiked them, or called the police?
Batman
I like being a lone threatening figure. I’ll call the police on you though, even if it is really hypocritical.
Cut to Batman’s new hideout which is actually a lot more spacious and practical than the bat cave. But no doubt this is only temporary.
Alfred Pennyworth
Stalking Rachel again sir?
Bruce Wayne
Nothing wrong with the hero wanting to steal another mans girlfriend… I think?
*****
Bruce Wayne
Look at his face. The face of Gotham. Harvey’s face.
Harvey Dent
I take it you’re trying to give us some subtle foreshadowing Bruce?
Bruce Wayne
Trying to.
Cut to R & D where the CEO of Wayne Enterprise still has time to tinker around with inventions.
Bruce Wayne
I need to get Lau back and I think an aerial kidnapping would be the best way.
Lucius Fox
Well there is an old technique called the Sky Hook. But it takes a great deal of skill and precision.
Bruce Wayne
I’m sure some inexperienced Korean smugglers could do it.
Lucius Fox
I really doubt…
Bruce Wayne
Excellent I’ll see you when I get back.
Bruce Wayne goes and captures Lau coming up with a ridiculous alibi which is worse than just disapearing quietly for a few days. He then comes back and throws a fundraiser party for Harvey Dent.
Rachel Dawes
So you think you’ve solved Gotham’s problems after just a few months?
Bruce Wayne
Kind of makes my 8 years of travelling a waste doesn’t it? But I think my job is…
Joker
Good evening ladies and gentleman I am the joker. Gotham’s undisputed Prince of Chaos.
Rachel Dawes
A Prince hey? Have you ever considered using one of his sound tracks?
Joker
Don’t you dare go there!
Batman
You want nuts? Let’s go nuts.
Joker
Ha ha ha. Time to show that me and my bunch of crazy goons can pose a challenging fight. Even with your years of intensive martial arts training.
Batman
Well at least the audience can see what’s going on in these fights. Hey let Rachel go.
Joker
Oh you walked right into that one.
The Joker drops Rachel out the window and she slides down the roof reaching for Batman rather than trying to slow her decent. Luckily Batman catches her.
Batman
Hopefully people saw my cape deploy briefly and slow our fall. Other wise the audience might feel that we cheated death.
Director Christopher Nolan
Don’t worry I doubt there’s many who will try to find fault with this movie.
We see Bruce Wayne using face recognition software to try and identify the Joker. Luckily for him no one has ever tried to use this on Batman. He then goes to get more evidence.which leads to Commissioner Loeb’s funeral.
Joker
Haha I take off the make up and no one notices me despite the scars.
Batman
We think alike, I came as Bruce Wayne to avoid attention.
Joker
You’re just worried the bat suit will look silly in daylight.
Batman
True.
Harvey Dent tells everyone he’s Batman to draw the Joker out into the open. It appears the Joker has super powers after all as he predicts every police movement.
Cliché cop
Holy pot holes driver.
Lieutenant Gordon
Huh?
Cliché cop
The road, it’s full of pot holes, look out!
Lieutenant Gordon
*Sigh* where’s Heath Ledger this guy’s almost ruining this chase with his “acting”.
Joker
Ha-ha you fools in your squad cars and vans. They’re no where near as fast or manoeuvrable as my big heavy lorries.
Batman
Ha-ha I’ve got a tank.
Joker
Ha-ha I’ve blown it up.
Batman
Oh no how am I supposed to catch them now?
Tumbler computer
I come with a detachable batpod.
Batman
But you were designed as a bridging vehicle why would you have that?
Tumbler computer
Err logic error 404 must self destruct.
Joker
Batpod? Better give up now before the audience starts to put thought into this chase.
*****
Commissioner Gordon
I had to do it to protect you and the kids.
Barbara Gordon
For 24 hours. What about the other 364 days of the year?
Commissioner Gordon
Look now we’ve locked up one clown Gotham is safe.
Thev phone rings.
Commissioner Gordon
Got to go.
Batman
Where is he?
Joker
You mean where are they? I’ll tell you, I just have to time it perfectly so that you have only seconds to spare.
Batman
I’m getting Rachel… don’t read too much into my motivation.
Commissioner Gordon
We’ll get Dent.
Detective Stephens
But sir we have police across the city, there’s probably someone closer if we send a call….
Commissioner Gordon
Not exciting enough. Go, go, go!
*****
Harvey Dent
Don’t worry Rachel you’re the one that will be rescued.
Rachel Dawes
But you’re a main character from the comics.
Batman
She’s right, I should have realised the Joker tricked me.
This moment of shock means they don’t escape the flames in time and half of Dent’s face burns. That must have hurt.
*****
Chechen
So what will you do with your half of the money?
Joker
Burn it, none of the bills have my face on them.
Chechen
You think you can control all of Gotham’s criminals and not offer them money as a reward?
Joker
Yeah… well no… But the sight of me standing in front of a pile of burning money will make for a great visual.
*****
Coleman Reese
I’m exposing Batman’s true identity because he should bow to this threat to save others.
TV interviewer
I’ve got to hold you for a moment we have an extraordinarily well timed phone call from the Joker.
Joker
I will blow up a hospital if someone doesn’t kill Reese. Let’s see the true colours of Gotham citizens.
Coleman Reese
Got to run.
*****
Joker
Whoa Harvey your face! I need to find a Doctor to see if that’s remotely possible… Actually I’ll first tempt you over to the dark side.
Harvey Dent
I want to kill you.
Joker
That’s a good start. The hero role clearly isn’t working for you. Villainy can make you a far more memorable character. Look at me. Look at me!
Two Face
No need to repeat yourself. You’ve convinced me.
Joker
Don’t forget a memorable villainous trait.
Two Face
The coin?
Joker
Perfect.
*****
Two Face
Hello Sal.
Sal Maroni
How did you get into my car without any of my bodyguards seeing you? Including the driver!?
Two Face
Too many questions, too many questions. Die!
*****
Commissioner Gordon
How did you find the Joker? Was it with some implausible technical wizardry?
Batman
Err no it was through clever detective work. Honest!
Commissioner Gordon
I’m sending the squat team in.
Batman
There must be more to this. Just look at them, gawping at the windows. Besides I think it’s time for my standard fist fight with the Joker.
*****
Joker
NaNaNaNa NaNaNaNa
NaNaNaNa NaNaNaNa
Have you ever done the bat dance to have some fun in the night?
Batman
I’ve had enough of your mind games this ends now. The boats won’t blow each other up.
Joker
In a country that favours the death penalty people wont blow up criminals? That is optimistic of you… Well what do you know you were right? But I’m not leaving all my plans and ambitions down to a fist fight with you.
Audience
That is a refreshing change.
Cut to the site of Rachel’s death.
Two Face
I lost my family, you’ll lose yours.
Commissioner Gordon
We were wrong. Faith in the justice system should never be put down to one man.
Batman
This movie no longer has time for reason and motive. You realise that fighting next to a drop is a really bad idea right?
Two Face
Uh oh.
Commissioner Gordon
Two Face is dead already? That was short.
Batman
Well we’ve got to leave room for new villains. I’ll take the blame for Dent's murders. Even if it will also do damage Gotham’s morale. Better run.
Gordon’s son
Why is he running?
Commissioner Gordon
To give us a closing scene that will beg for a sequel.
Fin
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced
With Out Permission.
