This is the first parody I've written of a movie which I sawcompletely in French. I don't think too much was lost in translation.My language skills are improving...I didn't realise it was a romantic comedy/road trip movie though. It's a shame they didn't suceed in their quest to find the Holy Grail but at least they learn't a valuable lesson about not taking drugs.
Opens with a voice
over from a deeply toned metallic alien. I get a horrible flashback of the
Transformers 2 movie.
Cut to Nick Fury at a
remote research lab.
Nick Fury
See how I get a low camera angle introduction? That’s
because I’m such a cool and powerful character?
Audience
Really? Why? What do you actually do?
Nick Fury
Well I try to look cool… I actually shoot some enemies
later… Oh! I also survive jumping out of a crashing helicopter.
Audience
Wait a minute, you have super hero powers too?
Nick fury
Errr well no. This movie just isn’t really clear on what
people can and can not survive.
Audience
That really damages the tension.
Nick Fury
Nick Fury does not apologise!
Loki
You should. This is a ridiculously easy place to escape from.
I’ve seen more security guards at a Black Sabbath gig.
Nick Fury
Well I believe in quality not quantity.
Loki
Well I’m going to steal the quality. Come here Hawkeye and
Dr Selvig. I’m just as crazy as your last boss.
Cut to numerous scenes
of our heroes being recruited to the Avengers team. Haven’t we already seen
this recruiting being pointlessly shoe horned into the last 5 or 6 movies?
Captain America
I’m sad, why should I come?
Nick Fury
Because you are the only selfless super hero.
Captain America
Oh yeah how could I forget.
Dr Bruce Banner
Why on earth do you want me? Aren’t I too unstable?
Black Widow
We need you to provide some muscle.
Dr Bruce Banner
But that sums up most of your team. Couldn’t we have more
varied powers like the X Men?
Black Widow
We have Iron man… his missiles are kind of special.
Iron Man
You want me? Am I really a team player?
Nick Fury
Well at least you know how to fly.
Captain America
Hey don’t kick a man when he’s down.
They head to Germany
Captain America
Hmmm that was easy. Do you think it could be another one of
his tricks?
Iron Man
No I am just that amazing.
Thor
Not as amazing as me.
Iron Man
Get off of my plane! Oh no, I didn’t just say that.
Captain America
But it worked, he took Loki.
Iron Man
Well as the only other member of the team that can fly I’d
better go after him. Just wait here being all patriotic and stuff.
Captain America
Hey don’t leave me out. Just wait whilst I get a parachute.
Aircraft Pilot
But they could be miles away by now. What are you going to
do run to them?
Captain America
Of course! I’m a super hero in the same league as them. I
can do it.
Aircraft Pilot
Sure…
Iron Man
Your magic/technology that took millennia to develop is no
match for my Iron Man suit.
Thor
Yes it is! But maybe I could team up with you and you can be
the canon fodder.
They take Loki aboard
the Helicarrier, an impractical and vulnerable looking ship.
Loki
HAHAHA! Do you really believe this prison can hold me?
Nick Fury
Of course! You may be able to escape the void of
interdimensional space but…
Loki’s minions attack
the heli carrier.
Nick Fury
…
Helicarrier agent
I think it’s time to release the Fury.
Nick Fury
I’m kind of busy right now…You know I’m coordinating… and
well doing paper work for…
Helicarrier agent
I meant the fury of the Hulk.
Nick Fury
Could be dangerous in such a confined space, but it’s what
the audience wants to see.
Thor
Brother you tricked me again.
Loki
That’s right and I am going to send you plummeting towards
the earth in your Hulk cage. Don’t worry despite the fearful expression you’ll
have, it won’t kill you. Even if you do hit the ground whilst still in it.
Loki escapes whilst
Hawkeye uses a usb arrow to disable the Helicarrier engines… well one of it’s
engines, which is even stranger.
Black Widow
This isn’t who you are. Turn away from the dark side.
Hawkeye
As your the only superhero I know with the work black in
their title I’m getting a little confused. Just knock me out, that is normally
the simplest option.
Nick Fury
Loki killed agent Coulson.
Iron Man, Hulk, Thor,
Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America
And?
Nick Fury
He’s had 10 lines of dialogue in the movies. Surely you
care?
Iron Man, Hulk, Thor,
Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America
Not really.
Nick Fury
Well if you all go and fight him together just think how
awesome the action scene could be.
Iron Man, Hulk, Thor,
Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America
We’re in.
Loki activates a
portal to bring in the Chitauri army.
Audience
Chitauri? That’s seriously their name? It’s not hard to
imagine what people will nick name them.
The Avenger team
arrives and Iron Man proves to be the most useful member in the fight.
Captain America
It’s a shame you haven’t produced more copies of your suit
for others. Loki would really be in trouble if we showed up with 50 of you.
Hulk
You could have at least of given War Machine a quick call.
You spend most of this movie on the phone anyway.
Joss Whedon has lots
of cool action scenes but for some reason he keeps cutting back to Hawkeye
shooting arrows? Ok he has a fantastic aim… good for him.
Iron Man
Hey Hawkeye? Have you ran out of arrows yet?
Hawkeye
You’d think so wouldn’t you, but is anyone really counting? And
what about you then? Run out of missiles yet?
Iron Man
Yes.
Hawkeye
Oh.
Due to the usual
communication break down the armed forces launch a nuclear missile.
Iron Man
I’ll handle this. Everyone knows that a nuclear missle
doesn’t detonate until impact.
Thor
Really? I’m sure it can detonate just upon reaching set
coordinates.
Iron Man
Would you prefer to fly into space and destroy the Chitauri
base yourself?
Thor
Carry on.
Nick Fury
Thanks to all of you for saving the world.
Iron Man, Hulk, Thor,
Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America
We’ll have to do this again sometime. Everything we do
together is awesome.
Audience
Is it worth staying for the post credit scenes then?
Iron Man, Hulk, Thor,
Black Widow, Hawkeye and Captain America
No!
Fin
Fin
