Doctor Who: The Daleks: First Draft Parody Script

The first appearence of The Daleks is an epic and a must for any Sci Fi fan. If you're not big on sci fi you can still enjoy a piece of television history.

Part 1 The Dead Planet

Opens with the Doctors classic lack of safety precautions as they fail to read a rising radiation counter

Doctor

How fascinating a petrified jungle.

Ian

Are you foreshadowing how the audience will react to this episode?

Doctor

Oh no I’m sure this ominous jungle is perfectly safe. Come along.

Susan

Look a city.

Barbara

Nice model.

Doctor

Don’t be condescending I'm sure they had considerable budget constraints.

Barbara

I’m not being condescending I find the history of special effects fascinating.

Ian

Well we can’t let the story move along too quickly we’ll gothere in the morning.

Back at the Tardis.

Susan

I swear there’s someone out there.

Doctor

Susan no one believes children in the pre Spielberg era.

Susan

What’s that banging sound then?

Doctor

Piping.

Ian

Doctor why don’t you take us home then come back without us.

Doctor

I haven’t figured out how the Tardis works yet. Except to know that we need this piece which has broken all by its self… honest!

Ian

Hmm suspicious.

Barbara

Remember he’s the hero.

Ian

So you keep saying.

In the morning they go to the Dalek City. Ignoring the significance of some vials left outside the ship which should make them check radiation levels again at least.

Doctor

We’ll split up it will be quicker.

Ian

Even though you’re the one who wanted lots of time in the city?

Doctor

Well when one of you is captured we'll spend lots of time here.

Barbara

Wandering around a creepy city sure is fun... No don’t wave that plunger at me it must be covered in ghastly germs. No. Ahhh!

Part 2 The Survivors

                                      

Barbara

Ahhh!

Dalek

Now that is an introduction.

*****

Ian

Barbara? Barbara?

Doctor

Forget her lets get out of here. I’ve got a bad feeling about…

Daleks

Halt.

Ian

You look rather slow and cumbersome. I’m making a run for it.

Daleks

INCAPACITATE! INCAPACITATE! INCAPACITATE!

Ian

Ouch!

Daleks

Your legs will be fine with time so don’t cry about it.

Ian

I’m not going to cry and by the way I think your catch phrase is awful.

Daleks

We’re working on it.

The Doctor sits and chats with the Daleks whilst the others go into prison.

 

Daleks

500 years ago there was a war between us and the Thals. They must have ways to treat radiation sickness by now.

Doctor

Thank you for some useful exposition but why do you insist I stay under the light?

Daleks

Our camera eyes are collecting memorabilia photos.

Susan leaves the city to get the drugs.

Susan

This is scary couldn’t the Daleks give me a torch… or a jeep? Ok I’ve managed to get the drugs I sure wish I could transport the Tardis back to the city, it would make things so much easier.

Part 3 The Escape

Thal

Hello.

Susan

Oh no a mutant… wait you look just like me.

Thal

Yes radiation is a mystery. You must take the drugs that we gave you.

Susan

Why didn’t you give them to us directly so that we knew what they were?

Thal

We tried; we were knocking for hours you really need to get a door bell.

Back at the Dalek city.

Susan

So after all these centuries the Thals will suddenly become extinct without food.

Dalek

No problem. Even though we do not any need food we always grow plenty.

Susan

Well that doesn’t make sense but I’ll take a message to the Thals.

*****

Doctor

Welcome back Susan. It’s time for me to show how clever I am.

Ian

About time too.

Doctor

Silence! We have to escape.

Susan

But how? It’s a large city with endless corridors.

Modern day audience

Actually the corridoer background is just painted canvas.

Doctor

Nothing wrong with that. Our 60s audience was happy to use their imagination as well. Now this floor is metal so the Daleks must get their power from it.

Modern day audience

Wow that is an imaginative link. How could they be a threat with such a huge weakness?

Writer Terry Nation

You’re right future audience I’ll change that.

Doctor

Now grab the Dalek.

They wrestle with the Dalek which thankfully doesn’t decide to shoot blindly.

Doctor

Yes my plan worked brilliantly.

Ian and Barbara

It was our plan.

Doctor

Never mind that now. Ian you get inside the Dalek and lead us out. We’ll abandon the Dalek creature on the floor and hope it can’t signal for help.

Ian

Wow I get a new synthetic voice how exciting.

Part 4 The Ambush

Ian

I can’t get out.

Doctor

Oh well it was nice knowing you.

Susan

Grandfather!

Doctor

What he’s only human, besides I’d need some kind of screwdriver to get into this. Or a laser. Speaking of which look how slowly the Daleks are cutting through the door.

Ian

Oh plenty of time then.

*****

Dalek 2

They got away but we are you going to exterminate the Thals. Hey I like the sound of that. Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

Dalek1

Cut that out they’re coming.

Temmosus

We come in peace let me explain how this will mutually benefit each other.

Ian

Wait it’s a trap.

Temmosus

What? They haven't shot me yet maybe I'm getting somewhere. Ahhh!

Ian

Sorry I was late.

Dyoni

You say that in the same tone as someone who just spilt my beer. He was our beloved leader for crying out loud.Show some emotion.

Ian

That may be but we don’t have time for re shoots

Later back at the dead forest. Well we remember its dead. Since its in black and white we start to assume the background is lushes with green foliage.

Ian

If you don’t fight they’ll wipe you out. They have no sense of reason, they’re not human.

Thals

Neither are we.

The Doctor and Susan

Nor we.

Ian

Well your appearance is confusing,

Thals

We can’t fight again we caused this destruction.

Barbara

So the Daleks are victims not just your regular bug eyed monsters

Head of BBC drama Sydney Newman

Absolutely, remember that everyone.

Ian

Oh no the Daleks took the fluid link from me.

Doctor

Blast I knew I should have faked it and taken the air freshener.

Part 5 The Expedition

Dalek 2

I have duplicated the drug and processed the pictures.

Dalek 1

Excellent.

Dalek 2

And tidied the kitchen and hoovered the lounge.

Dalek 1

Good.

Dalek 2

And emptied the trash and watered all the crops we do not even eat.

Dalek 1

Ok…

Dalek 2

There are clearly 4 of us why am I doing all the work?

Dalek 1

Our bodies cost £250 and they need to be appreciated. We can not all risk damage through work.

*****

Doctors

Let’s get the Thals to fight to save our skins.

Ian

That’s immoral. We’ll just convince them the Daleks will leave their city and attack them.

Barbara

But they haven’t done that in centuries why would they now?

Susan

Boredom?

Dyoni

It would have been easier if you just reminded us of all the food they’re denying us. But we will attack.

*****

Dalek 1

I do not believe it. We need radiation to survive. We must look at all our nuclear resources.

Dalek 3

Bombs are more dramatic.

Dalek 1

Hmmm.

Random Thal

Careful in the swamp. Ahhh!

Audience

Look out another bug eyed monster.

Writer Terry Nation

Shhh!

Part 6 The ordeal

Doctor

I’ve made it to the city without losing a member of my team. I’ve finally managed to outshine Ian in something.

Susan

Grandfather you’re stood there looking for all the world like a man strolling through Hyde Park. They’ll see you!

Doctor

Oops.

*****

Dalek 1

The Thals are still approaching but appear to be having quite an ordeal.

Dalek 2

Perhaps we could use the Neutron bomb then?

Dalek 1

No! After all these centuries I don’t have enough patience to wait 23 more days.

*****

Doctor

Ha-ha I’ve cut their power to the antenna.

Susan

Grandfather stop it they’ll catch us.

Doctor

They didn’t last time.

Dalek

Halt.

Doctor

Oh.

Dalek

We must anihala… I mean exterminate the Thals and become masters of Skaro.

Doctor

I think we understand your single minded evilness.

Dalek

Well we should still do a Nazi style salute to reinforce it.

****

Ian

These caves sure are treacherous. Quick jump across this deep chasm before the cliff hanger.

Antodus

Oh you just had to use those words didn’t you?

Part 7 The rescue

Alydon

There’s the city we must attack and rescue our friends. Have we forgotten how to fight?

Thals

Yes we have. We haven’t done any fighting in generations.

*****

Doctor

We can help each other. I have a ship that can travel through all of time and space.

Dalek

We will work out how to do that ourselves one day.

Doctor

I doubt that. Someone around here must listen to reason. Tell me where is your leader Davros?

Dalek 1

Davros Who?

Doctor

I am sorry I suddenly got all fourth dimensional.

Dalek 2

The Thals are in the city.

Dalek 1

We are superior… Keep them locked out!

Dalek 2

We can’t they have forced their way through the door.

Dalek 1

My fondness for these old sets is almost threatened. Almost.

*****

Ian

Now it’s time for a cunning plan.

Barbara

I’ve got a brick

Ian

Excellent throw it.

Barbara

Hooray I’m a hero.

Daleks

Exterminate! No the power hass gone. Mercy.

Doctor

I don’t know how to help you even if I could. I’m afraid it’s the last we’ll see of you.

Head of BBC Drama Sydney Newman

Definitely. This could be the series biggest embaressment, but people will surely forget it.

Writer Terry Nation

Ha Ha Ha!

Alydon

5 centuries of fighting is over.

Doctor

No doubt you’ll have other wars.

Alydon

Oh thank you so much for your optimism Doctor.

*****

Doctor

Let us move on the Tardis is ready.

Ian, Barbara, Susan

Wonderful.

TARDIS

*Crash*

Doctor

Oh boy.

Fin

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Image property of the BBC

Captain America: The First Avenger: First Draft Parody Script

Parody script review of Captain America

Opens with some men searching the artic and finding a crashed craft. For one horrible moment the audience thinks they’ve walked into the Transformers movie.

Scientist

Oh wonderful it’s Captain America’s shield. Now the audience will spend the entire movie disappointed that they wont be seeing the World War 2 setting again.

Cut to  Norway 1942

Red Skull

I’ve come for Odin’s Tesseract.

Guard

You’re in the wrong movie. Odin was back in May.

Red Skull

No blonde and super strong  hero with his signature weapon is going to stop me then?

Guard

Well…

Cut to New York City where a puny Steve Rogers regards standing up to someone who talks in the cinema as a heroic act.

Bucky Barnes

How many times must I save you?

Steve Rogers

I’ll always be there to save you if you need me.

Bucky Barnes

You’d better be.

*****

Henry Stark

Check out my  revolutionary car technology.

Audience

Hmm what’s it going to be. It’s 1942. Is the movie going to claim he came up with abs? Airbags maybe?

The car starts to hover. Then crashes.

Audience

Eh? They were experimenting with flying cars in the 40s?

Henry Stark

That worked really well, even though it was brief. Of course I can’t see it being developed fully even if it's given 69 years.

*****

Steve Rogers

I want to be a soldier not just some person working in a factory. Not that I want to devalue the hundreds of thousands of people who weren’t on the front line ofcourse.

Bucky Barnes

Of course.

Dr Abraham Erskine

I can give you the oppourtunity to be the soldier you’ve dreamt off all your life.

Steve Rogers

You’re German?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Of course, all the best scientists are German. Just wait until the space race. 

Cut to the secret research lab which is guarded by one little old lady. But she does have a massive gun.

Dr Abraham Erskine

Have I told you this is dangerous? No? Well too late.

Steve Rogers

Keep going I can handle the pain.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Are you sure you don’t need to get some more serum you’re almost out of it?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Actually that’s all the serum I have.

Colonel Chester Phillips

What? You do at least have notes on how to produce more right? You couldn’t have worked all this out in your head?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Relax. What are the chances of me getting killed and the secret being lost?

Dr Bruce Banner

You inconsiderate fool. Have you any idea what happens to me when I try to reproduce this affect?

Dr Abraham Erskine

Yes well a good scientist never experiments on himself.

Dr Erskine is shot by an assassin so well chosen Erskine’s able to recognise him.

Steve Rogers

I’ll catch him.

Colonel Chester Phillips

But you can’t even move properly and he’s got the last vial of serum.

Steve Rogers

Don’t worry I won’t let it…

Vial of syrum

*Smash*

Steve Rogers

Oops.

Colonel Chester Phillips

For that you can spend the rest of the war as a recruitment mascot.

We get a montage of Captain America on a recruitment drive. A nice nod to the comics original  purpose. He eventually gets sent to Italy and discovers Bucky Barnes is missing.

Captain America

I’m going to rescue him. Alone! Well besides actually getting there, I need your help for that.

Peggy Carter

Ok but at least tell me you have some kind of a plan?

He doesn’t. Captain America runs around Red Skulls compound unnoticed. Something that would be slightly more believable if he wasn’t carrying a useless shield bearing the American flag on his back.

Captain America

I’m rescuing you by opening the jail doors. I’ll leave the rest to you though, I have a friend to find.

Jacques Dernier

Quoi? Monsieur we will be slaughtered you haven’t even given us any guns.

James Falsworth

Oh come now old chap. We can escape without further help from this Yank. These are after all movie Nazis not realistic Nazis.

They escape against the odds, which we see briefly. Then we have to watch a far less satisfying confrontation between Captain America and Red Skull who decides to run away and destroy the facility for no good reason.

*****

Colonel Chester Phillips

I sure was a fool not to use a soldier we’ve spent years trying to create. We’ll get you equipped for more heroics. You’ll also get a promotion to a real Captain which is a standard movie reward for disobeying orders.

Henry Stark

Wow look how small and powerful this energy source is. Imagine what we could do with it. I could use it to build a flying suit with hand pulse weapons, groovy coulours, inteligent…

Captain America

Sounds like a nice pipe dream but I’ll be happy with this.

Henry Stark

You don’t want that it’s the best metal in the world and that’s all we’ve got…. And we used it to make a shield?

Captain America

Don’t worry  I wont lose it.

Henry Stark

Ok then if you promise.

Captain America picks a small multicultural group to fight with him.

James Falsworth

I’m British and I’m depicted as a competent soldier? Bravo writers. Winning the war was the effort of an alliance. Let’s go and destroy the Nazis. Wait who are you?

Hydra

We’re Red Skull’s break away group of soldiers.

James Falsworth

What? Are you telling me that even killing Nazis has become taboo?

Hydra

I’m not sure… hey when did jumping onto a train become safer than breaking the track?

Captain America and Bucky Barnes get attacked by some slightly more gadgetised Hydra soldiers. Bucky is blasted out of the train but manages to hold on.

Captain America

Don’t let go and give me your hand.

Bucky Barnes

I can’t do both! Why do people always assume that someone holding on for dear life is capable of releasing a hand and reaching out?

Captain America

Just try it.

Bucky Barnes

Ahhh!

Captain America

Wow that was a surprisingly long death shot.

*****

Colonel Chester Phillips

I need information on Red Skulls base.

Armin Zola

Why now? You’ve already shown yourselves to have icredible intelligence on us.

Colonel Chester Phillips

I need something to do. I may be overused in this movie but I want more.

*****

Captain America

I can’t get drunk.

Peggy Carter

We thought it might be one of the side affects with your fast metabolism and super healing powers.

Captain

One of the side affects? What else didn’t you tell me? And why can’t I get drunk? Wolverine can.

Peggy Carter

We need you as an upright American citizen. You can take revenge instead I think that’s more patriotic.

Captain America

I don’t seek revenge, I seek justice.

Peggy Carter

Well that can work too in this time period. In the future you might find things a little more complicated.

Cut to the out skirts of Red Skulls base.

Captain America

I’m riding a motorcycle which shows that I’m cool despite my outfit.

Red Skull

Not as cool as my soldiers and weapons.

Captain America

Yes I’ve been meaning to ask you what’s the idea with them? Is that tank really even practical, it makes such a big target for an air assault, it can't move very fast. As for the soldiers did you mistake Star Wars Storm Troopers for Nazi Storm Troopers.

Red Skull

I’m evil no logic is needed, I just try to go for style. Now I’m going to shoot you… slooowly….

Dum Dum Dugan

Don’t worry we’ve arrived to rescue you. We sure got in a lot easier than you did, it’s amazing what you can do with a zip wire.

Captain America

Thank you my band of brothers. I want to stick with you but it’s my duty as the title character to have a confrontation with the villain alone.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Need a ride.

Captain America

Yes I need to get onto that massive plane. Unless our attack on this base has air support?

Colonel Chester Phillips

I’m afraid not. Now go. Go!

Peggy Carter

Just one quick kiss I can’t be the movies romantic interest without at least one kiss.

Colonel Chester Phillips

Ahhh! Phew that was close. That one kiss with Captain America almost got us killed. What were you thinking?

Peggy Carter

Give me a break it’s all I’m going to get and clearly worth putting the world in danger for.

*****

Red Skull

Oh no there’s nowhere to run *cough* I mean you are doomed Captain America.

Captain America

You know if you hadn’t of broken away from Hitler you probably would have had enough troops to defend your base.

Red Skull

I don’t need them when I have this cool blue cube. Look at the colours they’re so pretty. Wait I’m being beamed up noooo!

Captain America

Weird but he must be dead. And I’m dead too. I can’t let these bombs reach America. I’ll crash into the artic.

Peggy Carter

No! Land the plane we’ll difuse them.

Captain America

I can’t I don’t have any flying skills.

Peggy Carter

What about that aerial battle 5 minutes ago.

Director Joe Johnson

Just go with it please we’re trying to get the Avenger characters together.

Cut to many years later.

Captain America

I’m in the future?

Nick Fury

It’s gets worse I’m here to pointlessly show your recruitment.

Captain America

Wouldn’t it be more fitting if Tony Stark did that? To give the end some kind of human connection instead of this weirdness. All I can think about is my lost dance. Do couples still go dancing in the 21^st century?

Fin

 

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.

Snowboard Review: Santa Cruz Allstar 20th Anniversary Edition

Riding conditions
I rode the Allstar over 7 days so I was able to take it all over there mountain and see how it handled both ice and powder. It is a 158 ridden with K2 auto bindings and my position was set one back from centre.

Design
The Anniversary edition has a simple but stylish design which is only fully appreciated
 close up. It is easy to customise with your own stickers and the red stands out nicely.

Flex
A medium to stiff flex.

Riding the Pisted runs
The board felt fast on the slope with the new sintered base having a definite advantage over the extruded bases of previous years. It felt quick going edge to edge and was stiff enough to be stable at high speeds. The addition of dampening in the sidewalls under the bindings helped the board to be a bit forgiving on rough terrain as well. The board was also easy to hold through long carves and it popped well from one turn to another.

Riding Powder
The longer nose helps to keep the board afloat but didn’t make it too hard to ride switch through the powder. I was able to cruise comfortably with the board feeling light and easy to make turns. There are plenty of holes to set the bindings even further back, but I still found my almost central stance ok.

Riding on ice
The edge hold did well for some really icy conditions; I only really lost the edge on the steepest parts of the slope.

Riding Switch
Despite being a directional board it still felt easy riding switch with a bit of an adjustment as it rides differently. But the difference is only slight.

Jibbing/Pop
The board poped well on both the nose and the tail as it’s a twin flex board. It felt solid on landings but being on the stiff side wasn’t the easiest board to butter.

Overall impression
The board felt responsive and steady wherever I took it. The pop is good but the board will not be the best for those wanting to concentrate solely on the park. I found the Santa Cruz Allstar great fun to ride. It was good for speed on the piste but I was never hesitant in going down off piste powder runs or going through the trees. It is a fun all mountain board, which I believe it is great value for its low cost.