Doctor Who: Asylum Of The Daleks: First Draft Parody Script

Opens with an atmospheric but far too short voiceover

Voiceover

First there were the Daleks then there was the Doctor.

Audience

Really? The Daleks are older than the Doctor?

Voiceover

It’s all relative.

Undercover Dalek

Help my daughter is in a Dalek prison camp.

Doctor

She couldn’t have escaped, nothing that impossible has ever happened in my life.

Undecover Dalek

Fine I’ll just shoot you.

The Doctor, Rory and Amy are taken to the Dalek ship.

Doctor

Fine you have me and it was ridiculously easy for you. Just shoot now and end all of your troubles.

Dalek Prime minister

We do not need you’re perfectly good advice on how to finally exterminate you. We are Daleks! No one matches our perfection!

We brought the time lords to the knees! We are the nightmare of millions of races! 

Help us!

Doctor

Wow and I thought absence would make me fear you more.

Cut to Oswin being annoyed by noisy Dalek neighbours.

Audience

Noo! It’s too soon Amy and Rory can’t be going already!

Cut back to the Doctor

Dalek Prime minister

We are not really weak we just want you to do the dirty work. Lower the planets shields so that we can destroy it and we’ll let you live... We Promise!

Amy

Are you crossing your tentacles when you promise?

Doctor

How many Daleks are down there?

Rory

What colour are they?… sorry I couldn’t think of another good question.

Doctor Who fans

Hey! That’s a really important question to us!

The Doctor and his companions get shot at the Asylum Planet and land in some beautiful snowy mountains.

Doctor

Ooh scenic.

Mysterious man

Yet unnecessary. Come. Let’s get back onto the cheaper sets. I’ll show you my crew.

Doctor

They’re dead.

Mysterious man

But I’ve only been gone 5 minutes.

A Dalek eye stalk starts to grow out of his forehead.

Doctor

Right push him into the cupboard Amy. These Daleks are becoming more and more Borg like.

Amy

And zombie like.

Doctor

What? Ahh! Zombie Daleks. I can’t handle the walking dead as well. I like more chatty enemies. We’ll just run. Zombies are really slow.

Amy

This nano field is very effective. I hope they never set one up on earth.

Doctor

If they do I hope I’m the one who fixes it and not torchwood.

Oswin Oswald

Hello again. I’m tracking you’re progress and need to get in on your light banter. Doctor I don’t like your chin.

Doctor

Hey I’m trying to save you here!

Rory enters a Dalek scrap yard

Rory

Hmmm quite Daleks. I’m sure there’s no danger here.

Scrap Dalek

Assimiliate… I mean eggs.

Rory

Eh?

Scrap Dalek

Give me a break I haven’t been serviced for a while. Let me try again. Exterminate! Exterminate!

Oswin Oswald

Run!

Rory

I know, I know. It’s what we always do.

*****

Doctor

There are trillions of nanos in the air and they’re changing you.

Amy

Yet another slow working change.

Doctor

Yeah got to keep the drama up and it could do wonders for your marriage.

Rory

Hello again.

Doctor

Good. Have a chat you two. You have been through far too much to separate now.

Oswin

Hey Doctor there are more important things to think about.

Doctor

Like where you get your milk?

Oswin

I’ve been fending off millions of Daleks and you’re asking about milk?

Doctor

If I’m going to have a new companion I fancy one that bakes.  Jammie dodgers aren’t as nice as something freshly made.

Oswin

Just come and get me.

The Doctor finds an unprotected long range transporter in this Dalek prison…ok… well he needed some way to get out.

Doctor

You’re a Dalek! Sorry there’s absolutely NOTHING that I can do. Well I’ll probably think of something but for the moment I still have two companions.

Oswin

Don’t forget me, you owe me a big favour for erasing the Dalek’s memory of you.

Doctor

Yeah that was amazing. I wish we had you around during the time war. Actually since it’s so easy can you erase there memories of everything else. Like how to build eachother, or how to wage war. Make them forget how to live.

Oswin

Too late the planet is exploding.

Doctor

Sigh the Daleks used to be destroyed by a few pushes of the button.

Steven Moffat

Not on my watch!

The Doctor beams to his Tardis.

Doctor

Hello again it’s me, the Doctor

Daleks

Doctor Who?

Doctor

Err no one. Don’t ever do any research into my name or into this mysterious blue police box. It’s definitely  not worth your time.

Reasons to Love Rather Than Hate Doctor Who

Dr Who is  causing  great excitement on television.  Whether you’re a regular sci fi fan or not Dr Who can entertain and thrill you. These are some of the reasons the show is so well loved.

A long history of quality episodes

Debuting onold black and white televisions across the UK Dr Who holds the record for the longest running science fiction series. 23rd of November 1963 is the date it started making television history an it had been enjoyed by a wide audience ever since. Its being enjoyed across the world and and growing more and more popular in America.
The shows staying power can be attributed to the  dedication and love of all those involved in the show. From actors to directors. Writers to designers. You can tell that those  who have created fantastic episodes over the years have really cared about the show.

Fantastic stories

The premise of show allows the writers to do a rich array of stories.The Tardis can go anywhere, anytime and this has certainly been put to great use over the years. The Dr can interact with manyfamous people across historyand it is always fun to see how they interact with him.
Steven Moffat has done a brilliant job since taking over as show runner. Taking Dr Who seriously whilst still making the show fun. He has wonderfully simple ideas made scary in the shows and mixes in with this complex and engaging storylines which run throughout the series. This balance has made this show continue its tradition of entertaining adults and children alike.



Great characters

Whether a character is in Dr Who for one episode or is in multiple series a lot of effort is put into making them fascinating to watch. The stream of companions over the years have been perfect for the Dr and  audience. The Dr has had company to share experiences with and to help him in histravels. Whilst the audience has characters they can relate to easier than the mysterious Dr. Rory and Amy are wonderful as the first married couple to travel in the Tardis creating a refreshingly new dynamic for the series,
The Dr, whose true name we still don’t know, is thrilling to watch in all 11 incarnations. His regenerationshave affected his personaility as well as his appearence but deep down he is still the same oldloveable rogue timelord. There are many layers to his character and the continued mystery makes him all the more facinating. Matt Smith is perfecly cast as the 11th Dr mixing fantastic comic timing, with charm, intelligence and emotion.

Memorable villains

One of the most famous villains of all time has come from Dr Who. The Daleks. Quintesentionally British and afantastic design they have become an icon. The Cybermen, Sontarans, time lords, the master, and many more have kept us enthralled as they foolishy went up against the Dr.
Even villains who are seen in one show get a lot of effort put into them and become memorable. The villains keep the show scary in delightfully imaginative with their use of many clever and evil methods.

“Special” effects

The show started with a tiny budget and money has continued to stay tight ever since. But this has never dettered Dr Who which has always come out with ambitious storylines. Yes the city in The Daleks is clearly a model. And yes they expanded the corridors with painted sheets but they created an engrossing story. Special effects may impove over the years but the past effects are still good to watch and serve their purpose. It is good to see the new series has kept a slightly cheesy feel to some effects and make up as it adds to the charm and makes the show feel truly Dr Who.

In the future it will not be the special effects that are remembered but the fantastic stories.

 

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This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.