Opens with an
atmospheric but far too short voiceover
Voiceover
First there were the Daleks then there was the Doctor.
Audience
Really? The Daleks are older than the Doctor?
Voiceover
It’s all relative.
Undercover Dalek
Help my daughter is in a Dalek prison camp.
Doctor
She couldn’t have escaped, nothing that impossible has ever
happened in my life.
Undecover Dalek
Fine I’ll just shoot you.
The Doctor, Rory and
Amy are taken to the Dalek ship.
Doctor
Fine you have me and it was ridiculously easy for you. Just
shoot now and end all of your troubles.
Dalek Prime minister
We do not need you’re perfectly good advice on how to
finally exterminate you. We are Daleks! No one matches our perfection!
We brought the time lords to the knees! We are the nightmare
of millions of races!
Help us!
Doctor
Wow and I thought absence would make me fear you more.
Cut to Oswin being
annoyed by noisy Dalek neighbours.
Audience
Noo! It’s too soon Amy and Rory can’t be going already!
Cut back to the Doctor
Dalek Prime minister
We are not really weak we just want you to do the dirty
work. Lower the planets shields so that we can destroy it and we’ll let you
live... We Promise!
Amy
Are you crossing your tentacles when you promise?
Doctor
How many Daleks are down there?
Rory
What colour are they?… sorry I couldn’t think of another
good question.
Doctor Who fans
Hey! That’s a really important question to us!
The Doctor and his
companions get shot at the Asylum Planet and land in some beautiful snowy
mountains.
Doctor
Ooh scenic.
Mysterious man
Yet unnecessary. Come. Let’s get back onto the cheaper sets.
I’ll show you my crew.
Doctor
They’re dead.
Mysterious man
But I’ve only been gone 5 minutes.
A Dalek eye stalk
starts to grow out of his forehead.
Doctor
Right push him into the cupboard Amy. These Daleks are
becoming more and more Borg like.
Amy
And zombie like.
Doctor
What? Ahh! Zombie Daleks. I can’t handle the walking dead as
well. I like more chatty enemies. We’ll just run. Zombies are really slow.
Amy
This nano field is very effective. I hope they never set one
up on earth.
Doctor
If they do I hope I’m the one who fixes it and not
torchwood.
Oswin Oswald
Hello again. I’m tracking you’re progress and need to get in
on your light banter. Doctor I don’t like your chin.
Doctor
Hey I’m trying to save you here!
Rory enters a Dalek
scrap yard
Rory
Hmmm quite Daleks. I’m sure there’s no danger here.
Scrap Dalek
Assimiliate… I mean eggs.
Rory
Eh?
Scrap Dalek
Give me a break I haven’t been serviced for a while. Let me
try again. Exterminate! Exterminate!
Oswin Oswald
Run!
Rory
I know, I know. It’s what we always do.
*****
Doctor
There are trillions of nanos in the air and they’re changing
you.
Amy
Yet another slow working change.
Doctor
Yeah got to keep the drama up and it could do wonders for
your marriage.
Rory
Hello again.
Doctor
Good. Have a chat you two. You have been through far too
much to separate now.
Oswin
Hey Doctor there are more important things to think about.
Doctor
Like where you get your milk?
Oswin
I’ve been fending off millions of Daleks and you’re asking
about milk?
Doctor
If I’m going to have a new companion I fancy one that
bakes. Jammie dodgers aren’t as nice as
something freshly made.
Oswin
Just come and get me.
The Doctor finds an
unprotected long range transporter in this Dalek prison…ok… well he needed some
way to get out.
Doctor
You’re a Dalek! Sorry there’s absolutely NOTHING that I can do. Well I’ll
probably think of something but for the moment I still have two companions.
Oswin
Don’t forget me, you owe me a big favour for erasing the
Dalek’s memory of you.
Doctor
Yeah that was amazing. I wish we had you around during the
time war. Actually since it’s so easy can you erase there memories of
everything else. Like how to build eachother, or how to wage war. Make them
forget how to live.
Oswin
Too late the planet is exploding.
Doctor
Sigh the Daleks used to be destroyed by a few pushes of the
button.
Steven Moffat
Not on my watch!
The Doctor beams to
his Tardis.
Doctor
Hello again it’s me, the Doctor
Daleks
Doctor Who?
Doctor
Err no one. Don’t ever do any research into my name or into this
mysterious blue police box. It’s definitely not worth your time.
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