Opens with a cool future war sequence.
Audience
Wait a minute what's with the music? We want the Terminator theme.
Composer Brad Fidel
Err well I'll try to fit it in at the end of the film.
The two Terminators arrive through time.
T1000
Despite the ominous music I am going to act like a potential hero. I'm sure this will keep the audience guessing.
T101
I'm
not going to kill anyone in this bar. I'm also going to put these
sunglasses on in the middle of the night to look cool. Of course I'm
still a logical, ruthless and deadly cyborg like in the first movie.
John Connor
I have an annoying voice and will be in most of the movies scenes.
Audience
We didn't come to a Terminator movie to watch a squeaky kid.
Director James Cameron
I challenged myself to make him a plausible future leader by the end of the film. You'll like him more than Nick Stahl.
Audience
That's for sure.
*****
Dr Silberman
So Sarah do you still believe Terminator's are real?
Sarah Connor
Yes... I mean no.
Dr Silberman
I see. What about your dreams of the scrolls, the lamp stands, the lion and the lamb.
Sarah Connor
It is a little confusing but it's going to happen. It will happen!
John plays fighting games in an arcade which he apparently needs $300 to do.
John's friend
Don't you ever wish something exciting would happen?
John Connor
Please don't say that.
The T1000 shows up and tries to kill John but he escapes on his bike.
T1000
If I had as many guns as the first Terminator did this would be over by now.
John Connor
Yeah what is with that? It's not exactly hard to get guns in America.
The Terminator saves John on the bike he stole that apparently has suspension from the future.
T101
For
a kid that was shot at, almost crushed by a truck, and rescued by a
cyborg with a poor grasp of the English language, you are taking this
very well.
John Connor
Yeah well , life was more exciting with my real mum. I want to blow stuff up again. Let's go and rescue her.
T101
OK.
John Connor
OK?
T101
I am programmed to protect and obey you.
John Connor
How did I manage to reprogramme you?
T101
That's not important John. What is important is that I will do whatever you say.
John Connor
I'll
find this extremely cool and corrupting for one minute. That will be
enough time for me to learn not to abuse power and you can learn that
killing people is wrong.
T101
But I haven't killed anyone any way.
John Connor
...Let's just go.
They get into the high security hospital by passing just one security guard?
Sarah Connor
Why do I end up with all the guards?
Director James Cameron
I just wanted to show that you're no longer so sweet and defenceless, sweet pie.
They escape with the T1000 chasing them. Anyone who has seen the Simpson parody of this can't help but smile.
Sarah Connor
That was pretty easy, you couldn't blow off parts of the old Terminator with one shot.
Sarah takes them to get guns, lots of guns.
John Connor
I guess it's hard to show emotion as a cyborg?
Arnold Schwarzenegger
No, I just struggle to act.
Sarah goes to kill Mile's Dyson the longest lasting black person in a sci fi film up until now.
Mile's Dyson
If I live a little longer I could be useful.
Sarah Connor
OK, you can have a redeeming death instead.
Mile's Dyson
I can be the salvation.
Sarah Connor
No that will be later.
They get into Cyberdyne by passing just one security guard.
Sarah Connor
Are you sure this place has all the information on Skynet? They're not going to make a come back in 10 years?
Mile's Dyson
Actually now you mention it the military does ah!
Mile's Dyson dies blowing up Cyberdyne. The T1000 turns up late... again.
T1000
I think I need a processor upgrade. Still better late than never, I'm going to get you now.
The T1000 chases them in the most dangerous vehicle he can find and ends up getting frozen in a comic pose.
T101
Hey T1000 cool it... I need a vacation.
Sarah Connor
The Terminator making jokes, that is so sad. Ow!
T1000
Even though I can imitate your voice perfectly as I will demonstrate in a minute, I want you to call to John.
The Terminator attacks the T1000 but gets beaten up with a metal pole.
T1000
Kyle Reese eat your heart out.
The Terminator comes back to life using his back up Duracell battery.
T101
The T1000 really should have known I could do that.
John Connor
I could have escaped but for the sake of tension I will stand 10 metres in front of you.
T1000
And I will still fail to kill you, I'm meant to be advanced what's wrong with me?
John Connor
Shame your arm can't transform into a flame thrower.
T1000
Don't be ridiculous.
The T1000 stands right next to one of only things in the world that can kill him. He gets knocked in and dies very very slowly.
Director James Cameron
Got to show you what our new effects can do. But I will never go over the top with CGI, honest.
Sarah Connor
I'm hap... I mean sad you're dying.
The Terminator dies making the thumb up sign. Good job the movie ends when it does.
Director James Cameron
Now I've ended the film and franchise on a optimistic note.
Director Jonathan Mostow
Sorry dude I have other plans.
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced
With Out Permission.
1 comment:
Everyone like him more than Nick Stahl. The way Stahl said Hasta la vista sounded ridiculous - and with a different dialect, too! How did that happen?
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