Friday 9 September 2011

Doctor Who: A Good Man Goes To War: First Draft Parody Script

A parody review of Dr Who A Good Man Goes To War. A fantastic episode with a great cliff hanger.

It's complicated and I'm not talking about this fancy cot mobile


Opens with Rory the Roman threatening the Cybermen.

Rory
My name is Rory Lazarus Williams. Nurse of the NHS. Loyal to the true sci fi hero the Doctor. Father of a kidnapped child husband to an angry wife. And I shall have my vengeance. In this life or the next.

Cybermen
O…k. Why are you telling us this?

Rory
To make you believe I’m threatening despite my strange outfit. To make you tell me where I can find my wife And besides I’ve always wanted to say that.

Cybermen
Any outfit you’d wear would be strange to us this is probably the best choice.

Rory
Good point. But since you didn’t help straight away we’re going to blow up your fleet.

*****

Doctor
I’m calling in some favours.

Dorium
After all the horrors you’ve faced you finally want some help? This must be dangerous? Can’t I just draw a map rather than show you the way there in person?

Doctor
Just keep your head and you’ll be fine.

*****

Colonel Manton
The Doctor will be coming with vengeance. We’d better say our prayers.

Madam Kovarian
We’re not going to. We are the demons remember.

Colonel Manton
So what’s with the Headless Monks?

Mad
It’s complicated.

The soldiers gather on Demons Run for a stirring speech.

Colonel Manton
You are the best soldiers. We will defeat the Doc…

Doctor
Hello.

Colonel Manton
My most hated enemy. I should kill you on sight.

Doctor
But you won’t even if all of your research about me shows your hesitation is a mistake.

Colonel Manton
We are not crazy fools. We will not be tricked just because you’re in fancy dress.

A soldier shoots a Headless Monk.

Colonel Manton
We are not crazy fools! Disarm!



Lots of Judoon and Silurians beam in.

Doctor
I love it when a plan comes together.

*****

Rory
Amy!

Amy
Rory J

Doctor
Amy!

Amy
You sure took you’re time.

Doctor
Timey wimey?

Amy
Ok then I can’t stay mad at you.



Later in the storm cage command centre.

Madam Vestra
They were manipulating Melody to become a weapon against you. You’ve become too dangerous.

Doctor
“Demons run when a good man goes to war” didn’t you hear I’m a good man? Although the universe was destroyed due to my Tardis. I’m sure glad the Silurians, Sontarans and Judoon have forgiven me for that. But the Daleks might prove trickier to reconcile with.

Dorium
But this was too easy. It must be a trap.

Doctor
You go and find out while I bravely stay here and have a chat with the villain.

*****

Lorna
It’s a trap!

Amy
Why should we believe you? Look at your uniform.

Lorna
And? You’re still in your nightie, this isn’t the fairy tale series anymore.

The lights dim and the Headless Monks start their chant.

Lorna
Maybe we can talk to them, does anyone know Latin?

Cmmander Strax
Rory the Roman you must know some?

Rory
It was a long time ago.

They face the Headless Monks in one of Dr Who’s best fight scenes. Sword fighting is cool. But Amy’s baby disintegrates as it is a ganger.

Audience
Wait the last two episodes showed that gangers are sentient too. Is this the first case of Dr Who infanticide? This really is a scary show.

Doctor
Amy, Rory! Mrelody is a…bad timing again?

Amy
Yeah. Melody is gone and most of your army is dead.

River Song
Hello sweetie.

Amy
You turn up now when I’m at my most angry?

Doctor
Please Amy let me have my moment first. You turn up now when I am at my most angry?

River Song
It’s time for my big revelation. Some smug fans will say they already guessed it but I doubt many were a 100% sure. And they only guessed it after a really big clue. If they’d guessed it at the beginning of season 5 I might be impressed.

Doctor
Who are you?

River Song
Look at the writing on the cot.

Audience members that haven’t been paying much attention
You’re his mother?

River Song
Yuk that’s disgusting. No!

Doctor
I know who you are he he.

Looks guiltily at Amy and Rory.

Doctor
I’m out of here.

Amy
We could have easily stopped the Dr but I want you to tell us who you are.

River Song
I’m your daughter. I’m melody.

Amy
What?

Rory
Doctor!

Fin



Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/
This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission



2 comments:

Dan42 said...

Brilliant intro for Rory. I look forward to more of these.

BennyS said...

Very funny. It's true what you say about the fans.

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