Doctor Who: The Marriage Of River Song: First Draft Parody Script

Opens with various shots of our world which show that time is in a mess. Hmm déjà vu… Still it does look good and we do get a funny interview with Charles Dickens.

Winston Churchill

What has happened to time? Explain it to me simply so that the audience and I can understand.

Doctor

Timey wimey.

Winston Churchill

No you can be more complex than that.

We get flashbacks of the Doctor collecting more information on the Silence.

Dalek

Hi.

Dalek

Just hi? No threats?

Doctor

I don’t want you to leave, we’ve been off screen too long. Why?

Doctor

You get defeated too easily we need to build the threat back up. Now shut up! I’ve come to yank information out of your smashed defeated body.

*****

Doctor

Dorium you’re alive!

Dorium

Yes and I’m the only head who could afford a comfortable box. Now you must be seeking the ultimate question?

Doctor

Be serious! We need that for the anti climatic end to the episode.

We go back to the Utah lake to watch the Doctor get killed.

Doctor

Can’t you walk out of the lake quicker we’ve already had enough flash back scenes in the pre credit sequence.

River Song

Patience sweetie I’m going to rewrite this fixed point in time.

Doctor

But that’s impossible... Probably… I do seem to come up with a lot of rules that get are later broken.

*****

Doctor

Did you have to stun me?

Amy

What can I say? I like an entrance! So what’s going on this time?

Doctor

All of history is happening at the same time. Well the parts of history which we can recycle props for.

Amy

All at once? Shouldn’t the earth be really overpopulated and deadly?

Doctor

Well…?

Amy

Shall we just go to the secret plot advancing base?

Doctor

Yes please.

They go to area 52 which is inside a pyramid. This is a cool idea, it’s a shame the set isn’t as grand as the special effects.

Captain Williams

The Silence are as quite as usual Marm.

Amy

Good, good. Carry on Brad Pitt. I mean Rory Williams.

River Song

Hello Doctor, do you want to do the usual flirting.

Doctor

Sure for once we have plenty of time.

Madame Kovarian

Oh no not the flirting. I should have raised River better than this. Kill me please!

Amy

Ok.

Madame Kovarian

No I wasn’t being serious besides that’s too dark for your character. Ahh!

Cut to the top of the pyramid where a distress signal is being sent out.

Doctor

But whose going to help me. I know the majority of people like me but who?

River Song

You must  not die without knowing you are loved.

Doctor

Thanks for risking the world to tell me that. Now before I die we’ll bind hands with my bow tie. Now Rory do you consent?

Rory

How can I properly consent if I don’t know what it is?

Doctor

Just do it! You too Amy.

Amy

Ok.

Doctor

That’s it River we are now husband and wife.

River

That’s my wedding? But I didn’t get a fancy dress, beautiful flowers, admiration from friends, a big party….

Doctor

No but it sure is a lot cheaper this way.

They kiss and the doctor “dies” at last.

Amy

*Sob* The Doctor’s dead.

River Song

Oh mummy don’t be silly. There’s plenty of life in the Dr Who series yet. I just killed a Teselecta version of him. Now let’s all have some family time at last.

Audience

That’s a bit of a cheat and we’re not talking about cheating time… We can’t wait to the Christmas special. Just, no more disappointments please

Dorium

So you survived. But the first question. The most important question in the Universe still remains. Doctor Who? Dr Who?

Audience

You can not be serious!

Fin

Snowboard And Ski Insurance: Remember To Check The Small Print

Snow sports offer a thrill that few other activities match. Accessible to all ages it is a unique experience but also carries a unique risk. Getting the right travel insurance for a trip was once a quick 10 minute search online. But over the years insurance companies have changed their policies making it more difficult for people to find the correct level of cover. Here are some areas of your policy to consider carefully.

When the insurance policy starts
Firstly if you’ve already left your country of residence a policy might cover you. This may be because insurance companies are worried that you are only taking it out when you need to claim. But it’s awkward for long term travellers who may decide to go snowboarding at the last minute as they travel from country to country. Or for those whose plans are last minute. There are companies who will cover you if you’ve already left the country but it requires a bit of searching.

The date you return
Unless you are able to prove you had a return ticket a lot of insurance policies wont cover the costs of repatriation. This means that if you need to get flown home for medical reasons or in the unfortunate event of death, there will be a hefty bill for you or your family. This can be difficult if you’re not sure of your travel plans and when you’re coming back. However an open return ticket can often cover you, just check with the insurance provider.

Value per item
Check the value of what your insurance will pay out for because basic cover might not pay the full value of ski equipment. Even if your skis aren’t high end you may still find yourself unreasonably short, especially after excess.

Off Piste
This is the biggest area of difference with ski insurance policies. It used to be a case where most brokers covered you off piste if you followed local guidelines and the avalanche risk level was 3 or less. These policies have become rarer with many policies insisting that you go with a qualified local guide.
This isn’t always practical or necessary as an insurance provider should know. So make sure you go with a company that covers the type of skiing or boarding you want to do on a trip. There have been cases where people were in an avalanche and the insurance hasn’t paid out because they blamed the skiers despite the fact they followed local guidelines and took precautions. So don’t be in a rush to take the first policy you see. There’s rarely any different in cost, so you can still get good value with a policy, whether they insist you ski with a guide or not.

Take your time and research the policy and insurance provider. There are a lot of companies saying they specialise in ski and snowboard insurance yet they clearly don’t understand the sport.  They can place the blame on a skier without even investigating the incident properly. If you are in any doubt about the policy details phone your insurance provider. It’s always best to go with a company which knows what it is doing and can ensure your needs are provided for.

Protect Your Work Against Plagerism And The Deviously Lazy Auto Blogger

In the last 6 months many of my articles have been stolen by other sites. The internet is full of people trying to promote their and as we search the net we come across a lot of bad content. But now instead of creating good content some people choose to steal it from others.

Auto blogging

This is where someone uses a programme which automatically takes information from other web pages (referred to as scraping) to fill their own site.  They claim it's sharing work that people wanted to share widely any way. But the work is often not credited to the original author and can have small alterations. It also goes high on Google search results, often even higher than the original site. Which damages the original traffic to the original author.

Theft

This is the best word for it however anyone tries to auto blogging. They're profiting from other people's unique work. I put a lot of time and effort into my content as do thousands of others. Why should it be ripped off for someone else's greed? What's worse is that some of my content ended up on sites which I am morally opposed to. Sites promoting things like gambling and even pornography. This can not be ignored.

How to tackle it

Disable RSS Feeds

People will find your blog if you keep producing good content. RSS could be useful but they're the main gateway to auto blogger finding and ripping out content. It is useful that you can disable RSS feeds with blogger as it isn't possible to do this with all blog sites.

Put a copyright notice on your articles

You don't have to do this as you automatically own your own work but is will show anyone reading an infringing site where the article belongs and hopefully they will contact you.

Do regular search engine checks

Check to see if any of your distinct articles have been stolen.

Report to Google

Google is quite quick at dealing with reported pages often within a couple of days. Some people recommend contacting the infringing site first but I've stopped doing this. It's simply a matter of time. I've wasted too much time having to report the dozens of articles that were plagiarised to Google. So I wont waste time writing to the content thieves.

Here's a link for the report form.

http://www.google.com/support/bin/static.py?page=ts.cs&ts=1114905

If the infringing page uses adsense or adwords the sites normally remove the content quicker as they risk losing they're accounts. If they don't advertise on the page they may not respond at all but Google will still remove them from their search results.

Copyright © Nathan Groves http://wondersandparodies.blogspot.com/

This Work Is Not To Be Reproduced With Out Permission.